The "let it out" thread.

I literally feel almost no emotion towards death - idk if its because I have had so many people around me die - or been in a lot of near death experiences - I pretty much have lost the ability to cry - it makes me sad in some ways - but - aghhh idk where I was going with this - but aye like you Wade I predicted when both grandparents - uncle and mother were goin to die - After the first death I stopped feeling emotion towards it - even with my mothers, I know that you all probably now think im a sick and twisted person - so be it, I attempt to live with no regrets however sometimes everyone has regrets - those are some of mine

I'm hesitant to apply for jobs simply because I hate being under any pressure and the thought of any sort of rejection frightens me greatly.

I had a very bad first job experience.

Start out with something easy. Don't work in the food service industry. Kitchens can be awful if you're not big on pressure/stress. I worked in a convenience store when I was in high school and it was one of the most fun teenager style jobs I've ever had. I worked with this like 50 year old white trash woman, absolutely hilarious woman once I got to know her. All we did was screw around. We'd do stock, serve customers, and screw around. I built myself a throne out of cases of beer in the walk-in cooler and used to sit on it when I ate lunch and call myself the king of beers. We read a lot of magazines. Made a lot of disgusting convenience store food. It was really relaxed. Used to be a valet too. That was a great low stress job. Rich people gave me giant tips and the keys to their amazing cars for me to drive around. Granted it was just around the parking lot but you take what you can get when you're driving a porsche. Other than that it was pretty much the same. I sat behind a desk out in the sun on nice summer days and read books.


Death will catch up with you. Mark my words. I was like you guys when I was younger. A lot of really bad things happened in my life in pretty quick succession, including the deaths of pretty much everyone in the world who I loved in the span of just under a year. My father, brother, and my two best friends. Pretty much is what led to my eventually becoming an addict. Anyway it has a tendency of being a pretty harsh shock to the system. That's why you feel numb now. It doesn't make you weird or twisted. It makes you normal. Just be careful how you deal with it when it does surface. Reacting by doing things that ultimately hurt you just makes things worse. Has the potential to make things a lot worse.

PlasticandRage wrote:Start out with something easy. Don't work in the food service industry. Kitchens can be awful if you're not big on pressure/stress. I worked in a convenience store when I was in high school and it was one of the most fun teenager style jobs I've ever had. I worked with this like 50 year old white trash woman, absolutely hilarious woman once I got to know her. All we did was screw around. We'd do stock, serve customers, and screw around. I built myself a throne out of cases of beer in the walk-in cooler and used to sit on it when I ate lunch and call myself the king of beers. We read a lot of magazines. Made a lot of disgusting convenience store food. It was really relaxed. Used to be a valet too. That was a great low stress job. Rich people gave me giant tips and the keys to their amazing cars for me to drive around. Granted it was just around the parking lot but you take what you can get when you're driving a porsche. Other than that it was pretty much the same. I sat behind a desk out in the sun on nice summer days and read books.


Death will catch up with you. Mark my words. I was like you guys when I was younger. A lot of really bad things happened in my life in pretty quick succession, including the deaths of pretty much everyone in the world who I loved in the span of just under a year. My father, brother, and my two best friends. Pretty much is what led to my eventually becoming an addict. Anyway it has a tendency of being a pretty harsh shock to the system. That's why you feel numb now. It doesn't make you weird or twisted. It makes you normal. Just be careful how you deal with it when it does surface. Reacting by doing things that ultimately hurt you just makes things worse. Has the potential to make things a lot worse.

If you don't mind me asking, what were you an addict to?

Funnily enough my very first job was fast food, I was a wreck.

I've done fast food before. It's terrible. Worse than working in real restaurants IMO. At least at real restaurants you get kitchen comradery, which I don't think really exists at Micky D's. Try to land yourself something calmer. I know it's easier said than done, but what's the worst thing that can happen? Generally when a prospective employer doesn't hire you they don't even reject you in person. You usually just don't get called back. Trust me, I've been rejected TONS of times.

I was an active heroin addict for 4 years Wade. Before that I had essentially been addicted to pharmaceutical pain killers for maybe a year and a half. I was just in denial about it until I started waking up with needles in my arms. Once an addict always an addict. I don't consider myself to not be one anymore, but I'm no longer an active addict. I'll have been clean for 3 years this summer. Plan to stay that way. At this point I've put it behind me enough that I'm no longer really worried about it. I've grown and learned from a lot of the mistakes that I've made. My point in sharing it, however, is because I think it's important to have a frame of reference to where letting your pain define you can get you. Becoming a drug addict, hurting yourself purposely, killing yourself, these things aren't rational logical decisions. Their things you do spur of the moment when your hurting and you don't care about the repercussions. But there are repercussions. You just need to remind yourself that regardless of how bad things can hurt sometimes that you care about your life. Love yourself. Everyone has problems, but we're all individuals, and the individual things you have that you love about yourself are yours. Emphasize them instead when you feel crappy. Again I know this is easier said than done, and that I'm entering a pretty touchy feely area here, but it's true.

Plastic - its not that I don't feel sad - its more I turned the sadness into ambition I suppose - 13 A* at GCSE and 5 A* @ A levels - and currently in uni - I have gotten Firsts for every assignment so far, so I have kinda turned a negative emotion into a positive one - though the way I dealt with it at the time was writing - rapping - etc; all sorts of stuff - I forced myself to get a drive for something - something to strive to, once I have finished this Law Degree (No Debt) I will get a job and proceed to earn enough to do a Dentistry Degree - open my own Dental Practice - for more money, also I would have no requirement to hire a barrister - also I would still work for my Law Firm - then when I want a more lightweight job - as I get older - I have my Dental Practice to fall back on - that would be a minimum earning of 200k per year. Until I choose to focus on the practice where it would turn up to about 150k per year.

hmm, you've got lot of ambition, I'm sure you're aware with all your top notch grades it's still not going to be a simple task to do all that, and funding your own dental practice will be very difficult and take an insane amount of money.

Let's hope you succeed doing that though, not enough dentists around I think personally

Haha - it won't be easy although I have contacts with the top Barrister in London(Natalia's Uncle) WINNING! The A levels weren't particularly hard - they felt too - basic to me. Degree Level is still not overly difficult - but I tend to strive at academic subjects - also My A levels weren't particularly soft subjects - Physics Chemistry Biology oh **** I counted Maths and Higher Maths as one but yeah also I did in Evening Classes Politics and Government

Politics? I suppose you'll end up having to deal with all the legislation lol, then again my political views are pretty nonexistent

Oh dear, you can't count maths and further/higher maths a separate Alevel! Shame on you I personally gave up physics after AS as I didn't like doing the maths in it, it bored me too much because it's just meticulous.. there's not outside thinking involved like in other areas...

Still though Biology, Chemistry and Religious Studies has done me well to stand out when applying for Medicine against the classic science and maths guys they get every year without fail, and I get guaranteed work when I qualify, one thing I love about career im going into

TehInfamousAmos wrote:Plastic - its not that I don't feel sad - its more I turned the sadness into ambition I suppose

I don't see how that makes you abnormal either. I think it's great in fact. The ability to turn a negative into a positive, I think, is a very healthy reaction. Takes some of us a long time to learn. Myself included.

PlasticandRage wrote:I've done fast food before. It's terrible. Worse than working in real restaurants IMO. At least at real restaurants you get kitchen comradery, which I don't think really exists at Micky D's. Try to land yourself something calmer. I know it's easier said than done, but what's the worst thing that can happen? Generally when a prospective employer doesn't hire you they don't even reject you in person. You usually just don't get called back. Trust me, I've been rejected TONS of times.

I was an active heroin addict for 4 years Wade. Before that I had essentially been addicted to pharmaceutical pain killers for maybe a year and a half. I was just in denial about it until I started waking up with needles in my arms. Once an addict always an addict. I don't consider myself to not be one anymore, but I'm no longer an active addict. I'll have been clean for 3 years this summer. Plan to stay that way. At this point I've put it behind me enough that I'm no longer really worried about it. I've grown and learned from a lot of the mistakes that I've made. My point in sharing it, however, is because I think it's important to have a frame of reference to where letting your pain define you can get you. Becoming a drug addict, hurting yourself purposely, killing yourself, these things aren't rational logical decisions. Their things you do spur of the moment when your hurting and you don't care about the repercussions. But there are repercussions. You just need to remind yourself that regardless of how bad things can hurt sometimes that you care about your life. Love yourself. Everyone has problems, but we're all individuals, and the individual things you have that you love about yourself are yours. Emphasize them instead when you feel crappy. Again I know this is easier said than done, and that I'm entering a pretty touchy feely area here, but it's true.

Wow man. I'm no addict but I know how hard it can be to quit heroin. That's *** inspirational.

It's true that it's not an easy thing, most of the people I know from that part of my life are either still actively using, dead, or in prison. Most people who start aren't able to stop. I was because I was able to recognize my problem and reorganize my priorities. That's my point. Regardless of how much you hurt sometimes you have the ability to change it, even by just doing things as simple as trying to keep a positive perspective.

This is the most depressing thread I've read on this wiki. So much insecurity, lack of empathy and fear of death. It's worse than television.

At my age I can hear the Grim Reaper sharpening his scythe and I tell you this. Life is a journey and everyone has good times and bad times, does things they wish they hadn't, said things they wish they hadn't, made wrong turnings, it's normal, it's what human beings are about but 'all things must pass' and that includes me, you and everyone. What isn't normal is the belief that you should be happy all the time. This concept is peddled by the media, especially advertising. You know what I mean, having this, being that, going here will make you happy again and of course you are so 'worth it'. It's a false premise. All they want you to do is spend money on stuff you can't afford or hunger for things you can never have or be. There's nothing wrong with aspiration of course but it has to be tempered by reality and the real world isn't fair. Some people get the breaks, some don't, so learn to live with it. You'll be happier.

If this is a let it out thread then I suppose I should contribute.
Right now I am not sure If I am going to get into college. I have a 64 in english and a 70 in math (they were 85s in the first and second quarters) my other grades are okay (like mid 80's but I have 90s in health and history) but I am not sure I am going to make it. My mother always reminds of what will happen if I don't succeed and my family has high hopes for me. It doesn't help that I am a procrastinator. I put things off almost pathologically I don't understand and lately I have been really pissed off. Every time I get reminded of these facts I get a little more pissed everyday. Honestly video games this forum and a few others things is all that keeps me from going boom. I love my mother too much to be a disrespectful son. But so far all I have to do is just suppress my anger and just go on like I always do. I swear it is like as though my parents have forgotten what it is like to be 17 (well they are in their 50s so I guess it is possible)

I'll be the Devil's Advocate for this one but first wanna say I am also a big procrastinator. I could have typed the same number of words into a report for work rather than this post. Whoops! You're at an age where you gotta find your own motivation and let that roll. You're at a crossroads and your parents have hopefully helped you build a good foundation but the rest of the road is gonna be yours soon. I'm 30 (almost 31) and I still remember 17 vividly. I expect that your parents do too. Here's the Devil's Advocate part and I wish someone would have reminded me of this at least weekly at your age because it would have saved a lot of frustration as to "why do my elders keep saying this."

Your parents remember 17. You don't remember being 50. I thought I had the world figured out at 17. I didn't. I thought I was the person I was supposed to become at 17. I wasn't. Your parents felt the same way and I bet they remember these thoughts just fine. Now they know better though. I'm not saying parents are always completely justified in harping on their kids because as a parent I know we can take it too far quite easily. However, we're in a better position to see the long term ramifications of short term decisions. You're never the person you're supposed to become until you're in the ground and the rest is how you get there. Age brings wisdom for a reason and it all boils down to an old Mt. Dew Slogan "Been there, done that."

Ok well Im 6ft 7 and Im afraid of hurting people thats why I dont like violence.

Its hard to advance in a state carrer path when everyone you meet thinks your going to snap them in half and use the bones to pick your teeth.

GkMrBane wrote:Ok well Im 6ft 7 and Im afraid of hurting people thats why I dont like violence.

Its hard to advance in a state carrer path when everyone you meet thinks your going to snap them in half and use the bones to pick your teeth.

Now you know what it is like to be black in america

ARSP wrote:If this is a let it out thread then I suppose I should contribute.
Right now I am not sure If I am going to get into college. I have a 64 in english and a 70 in math (they were 85s in the first and second quarters) my other grades are okay (like mid 80's but I have 90s in health and history) but I am not sure I am going to make it. My mother always reminds of what will happen if I don't succeed and my family has high hopes for me. It doesn't help that I am a procrastinator. I put things off almost pathologically I don't understand and lately I have been really pissed off. Every time I get reminded of these facts I get a little more pissed everyday. Honestly video games this forum and a few others things is all that keeps me from going boom. I love my mother too much to be a disrespectful son. But so far all I have to do is just suppress my anger and just go on like I always do. I swear it is like as though my parents have forgotten what it is like to be 17 (well they are in their 50s so I guess it is possible)

There's always ways around these things too. Despite what your teachers want you to believe, high school doesn't really predetermine college. Having good grades in high school helps, but isn't totally necessary. In my case, for example, I did awful in high school. I was way more interested in ditching school, smoking up with my friends,(not something I'm condoning now but that's just what I did), and playing video games. Long story short I didn't get very good grades. I passed everything but not by much. Was around a C student. I didn't really come into my own until I started going to college, studying things I'm excited about learning. I didn't get into a school I wanted to go to right away either. So I went to a crappy school for a semester, got straight A's, then transferred to the school I wanted to go to based on my transfer transcripts. High school grades didn't matter at all for me really.

Edit: I don't disagree with Skare though. I thought I knew everything at 17 too, but then you get older. I think at 30's doorstep the only thing I'm positive that I know is that I don't know everything. In fact, I don't know much at all.

ARSP wrote:

GkMrBane wrote:Ok well Im 6ft 7 and Im afraid of hurting people thats why I dont like violence.

Its hard to advance in a state carrer path when everyone you meet thinks your going to snap them in half and use the bones to pick your teeth.

Now you know what it is like to be black in america

Bro you should totally+1 me for this but the real irony is that im Mexican. LOL!!!!!!!!

Well 3/4 anyway. the other 1/4 it Indian irish and Russian.

WTF how does that happen. Well I asked my mom and she mumbled a reply so I asumed I wouldnt want to know.

GkMrBane wrote:well 3/4 anyway. the other 1/4 it Indian irish and Russian.

Well, you know where you get your tall genes from, Russian burly guys

Ah stereotypes. I can't relate to racial ones a whole lot (read "at all") since I kinda resemble Casper the Ghost and live in a rural area. In other words, stereotype wise I should probably try to repress you. The best I can relate to is my job title and some advice I gave to some friends of mine once when they wondered at the fact that I got along with the suite of five black girls across from me in college. My job title is Investigator and I work at a not for profit. People love seeing me walk away and that's not commentary on my posterior. I know I'm unwanted so I go in with a smile. It helps on occasion. The advice I gave my friends who couldn't figure out how to make friends with someone who wasn't white was this: "say hello and act white." I didn't mean a stereotype white but basically "be yourself." Hopefully idiots who want to judge you on something superficial will eventually figure out that you're not inherently evil based on race.

GkMrBane wrote:

ARSP wrote:

GkMrBane wrote:Ok well Im 6ft 7 and Im afraid of hurting people thats why I dont like violence.

Its hard to advance in a state carrer path when everyone you meet thinks your going to snap them in half and use the bones to pick your teeth.

Now you know what it is like to be black in america

Bro you should totally+1 me for this but the real irony is that im Mexican. LOL!!!!!!!!

Well 3/4 anyway. the other 1/4 it Indian irish and Russian.

WTF how does that happen. Well I asked my mom and she mumbled a reply so I asumed I wouldnt want to know.

I am african american and a lot of people who haven't met or known many african americans tend to rely on what they see on television to judge African Americans. Generally we are assumed to be violent, angry, evil, thieves, stupid, and overall inferior. So I have been the receiver of the remarks of bigots. But that is my cross to bear.

Apparently, ASAP, your people are tools for relying on education from the media in general.

It is usually best to experience it yourself, than to hear it from another perspective. Variety allows different perspectives. And the Media is their not for education, but for entertainment.

EDIT: When I mean people, I mean the mass in general. This includes those who define you from the judge show... whatever that show is. i never seen it before. do not think my direction is against you. Sorry about misreading, if that is the case

skarekrow13 wrote:Ah stereotypes. I can't relate to racial ones a whole lot (read "at all") since I kinda resemble Casper the Ghost and live in a rural area. In other words, stereotype wise I should probably try to repress you.

ahahaha