A lesson on being a man.

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    LunarFog
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    A lesson on being a man.

    Post by LunarFog on Sun Jul 14, 2013 4:40 pm

    To my sorrow, I've come to the realization that "head-to-head fighting in Dark Souls" is now something of an oxymoron.  What should be a fight that looks reminiscent of 

    This:

    looks more like 

    this:
     followed by you know what.

    Backstabs and cheerleader cartwheels have become too prominent and respectable fighters are few and far in between.  This will be a guide on how to become a manly fighter that no girl will have to worry about accidentally wearing the same dress to a party as.

    Armor and Equipment weight
    A confident man only moves as fast as he wants to.  What can illustrate your manly steel resolve more than refusing to step out of the way of an attack, or even just a bluff?  A real man should be content with nothing faster than a midroll.  Trade speed for armor and poise and never back down.

    Weapons
    A brutish man will assume that the only weapons a man needs are the biggest objects his manly muscles can pick up.  Maybe they'll think that the only weapon a man needs are his trusty fists.  But brawn isn't the only trait a manly man needs to be a true man.  True men also need class, or brains if you will.  Not so much "class" that they turn into one of those rainbow-colored skinny jeans, hipster glasses, and scarf wearing fruitloops.  But an equal amount of brawn and class will guarantee your success.

    Big weapons are great and a real man should use one definitely, but they also need to predict what kinds of people they will be fighting and plan accordingly.  For example, get a shield with high magic defense to handle magicians.  Have purple moss for people who use poison.  Have a crossbow ready for people who try to run.  Expect backstabbers and counter them with weapons with wide horizontal attacks.
     
    Manly spells?
    The ONLY masculinely acceptable spells are: Power within, and Iron Flesh.  Projectile spells?  Learn to fight.  Sorceries or Miracles?  Those are less points you could invest into being a real man.  Weapon buffs?  How about some assless chaps to go with that glitter on your sword.

    Now jokes aside
    Being a tank-like character is more than just viable.  Trading mobility for poise and defense isn't just a gimmick that you have to struggle to make work.  To be honest, high speed dex characters make you rely on skills, reflexes, and tactics.  While being a slow speed tank makes you rely on planning and being smart.  Slow characters make battles less of a fighting game and more of a real-time-strategy.  You have to be patient, calm, and be properly equipped to win fights.

    Planning out your man-tank
    Planning out tanks efficiently forces you to think a little differently.  Instead of thinking "what do I want to use" you have to think "what will the people I'm fighting use".  Then you have to plan your equipment to both defend against and counter that.  Here are some very common types of characters you should plan against and weapons or tactics that successfully counter them.

    BS fishers - Free-aiming with horizontal-hitting weapons such as greatswords and ultra greatswords.

    Magic spammers - A shield with high magic defense and the timing to roll.  

    Ranged opponents - a cross bow and a shield. 

    Parry spammers and turtlers - Kick and a weapon fast enough to get in a follow up hit

    Touch-and-go rollers - These are the people who hit once, usually with a roller or running attack and then immediately roll away.  One way you can deal with this is to time it.  If you can't time it, you can predict it.  If you know which way they're going to roll, backwards for example, you should be able to think of a way to hit them for example, with a ranged attack or a running attack.

    People in general - Most likely you'll have to rely on trading blows to land an attack.  In which case just make sure you do more damage.

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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by Demon Slayer on Sun Jul 14, 2013 4:58 pm

    This is male chauvinist honestly


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by White Knight Wulf on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:08 pm

    Lunar I started reading this and was like f*ckin right. Man up and midroll son. This thread has made my day


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by Latitoast on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:26 pm

    Tarkus is a tank, and look at him! He's practically a god!


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by TehInfamousAmos on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:28 pm

    Haha what if I am a feminine male that would rather be agile and avoid any chance of being harmed.
    I often run 0 poise and fast roll so that I get punished for being hit and go for the more Death by 1000 cuts approach. I avoid using criticals, I often if I get a parry will just shrug and continue to fight. Unless I am against the gankers - then I will just cut them down face on with my Murakumo still continuing the 0 poise trend whilst wearing Tights.

    I believe the true manly man should be dressed like this:

    Let's face it, you've got to be a Man to wear Tights!


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by foppehenk on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:29 pm

    what's so great about being a man anyways

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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by foppehenk on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:30 pm

    i don't understand. there are also men in the second picture
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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by TehInfamousAmos on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:32 pm

    foppehenk wrote:what's so great about being a man anyways
    You can wear tight tights whilst roaming around the forest looking for fights? Personally I think that is quite a big Pro in terms of being a man lol!


    Or you could be a 'Murgence esque man and wield a hammer The Murgence


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by TehInfamousAmos on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:35 pm

    Demon Slayer wrote:This is male chauvinist honestly

     Also you're aware that Lunar is a female aye Fitz? Surely you cannot be a 'chauvinistic male pig' whilst being of the opposite gender - the thread is intended to ensure laughs from the readers.


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by LunarFog on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:36 pm

    TehInfamousAmos wrote:
    foppehenk wrote:what's so great about being a man anyways
    You can wear tight tights whilst roaming around the forest looking for fights? Personally I think that is quite a big Pro in terms of being a man lol!


    Or you could be a 'Murgence esque man and wield a hammer The Murgence

     Or a man that acts like a man so you don't attract men.

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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by LunarFog on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:37 pm

    TehInfamousAmos wrote:
    Demon Slayer wrote:This is male chauvinist honestly

     Also you're aware that Lunar is a female aye Fitz? Surely you cannot be a 'chauvinistic male pig' whilst being of the opposite gender - the thread is intended to ensure laughs from the readers.

     The laughs are only part of it.  "every joke has some truth to it" or however that saying goes.

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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by Demon Slayer on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:38 pm

    oh i thought...... you were a men 

    LOL


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by TehInfamousAmos on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:39 pm

    LunarFog wrote: Or a man that acts like a man so you don't attract men.

     Haha, well I am bisexual however I am happily married to my wife so I am completely fine with being more... feminine. lol!


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by Demon Slayer on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:40 pm

    TehInfamousAmos wrote:
    LunarFog wrote: Or a man that acts like a man so you don't attract men.

     Haha, well I am bisexual however I am happily married to my wife so I am completely fine with being more... feminine. lol!

     ...................................... raised brow


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by SirArchmage on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:40 pm

    Aside from obvious stereotypical chauvinistic man tropes, I agree. People underestimate the power of the tank. I can be faster then a fast roller with my mid roller through very good timing and sheer aggression. I also refuse to use ANY stamina regen items on my tanks. Takes away from the experience and pressure of having to manage your stamina bar.

    I will say however I do like running 0 poise and using a great sword or straight sword. Anyone who has fought my "beautiful death" class knows how little I need poise.


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by LunarFog on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:42 pm

    TehInfamousAmos wrote:
    LunarFog wrote: Or a man that acts like a man so you don't attract men.

     Haha, well I am bisexual however I am happily married to my wife so I am completely fine with being more... feminine. lol!

     Well then.  That works too I guess.  Lmao

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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:43 pm

    The fighting has gone weak. No fun and more people screwing around. You idiots are supposed to kill each other not dance with dodging!


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by White Knight Wulf on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:43 pm

    Demon I think we can all agree this thread is mostly for laughs n amos how u been buddy haven't seen u around lately


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by Demon Slayer on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:43 pm

    Something like this? A true Man


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by SirArchmage on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:44 pm

    TehInfamousAmos wrote:
    LunarFog wrote: Or a man that acts like a man so you don't attract men.

     Haha, well I am bisexual however I am happily married to my wife so I am completely fine with being more... Fabulous!!. lol!
    Fixed that for you bud. Fabulous men ftw.


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by TehInfamousAmos on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:46 pm

    ^^ Yes - I am outrageous, I am truly, truly, truly Outrageous!!


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by TehInfamousAmos on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:48 pm

    Wolfof Phyrexia wrote:Demon I think we can all agree this thread is mostly for laughs n amos how u been buddy haven't seen u around lately

    I have been great Wolf - got married on 29th of June, was a great day silly
    How have you been doing man?


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by Carphil on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:49 pm



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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by SirArchmage on Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:54 pm

    Carphil wrote:
    Funnily enough this thread was probably started because me and lunar cosplaying last night with me as the Tarkus and her as a Berenike knight.


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    Re: A lesson on being a man.

    Post by White Knight Wulf on Sun Jul 14, 2013 6:01 pm

    Congrats man I've been good got to c my girl after 2 years a a few weeks ago so it was a good weekend. I hope ur marriage is long and happy my friend...ur on ps3 rite?


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