Best/Funniest/Derpiest NPC Quotes

The title pretty much says it all; share your pick for the best,funniest, and derpiest NPC quotes. When this receives 30-50 picks (hopefully) I'll make a poll of the most popular ones.
My picks:

Best all around:
"But, use this, to summon one another as spirits, cross the gaps between the worlds, and engage in jolly co-operation!"
—Solaire of Astora,

Funniest:
I am Siegmeyer of Catarina, and you shall feel my wrath!
-Siegmeyer of Catarina

Derpiest:

Vee hee hee hee!
-Female Undead Merchat

Best Quote:

"The dragons shall never be forgotten...
We knights fought valiantly but for every one of them, we lost three score of our own.
Exhiliration, pride, hatred, rage...
The Dragons teased out our dearest emotions.
...Thou will understand one day.
At thy twilight, old thoughts return, in great waves of nostalgia. :

-Hawkeye Gough



Funniest:

"You really are fond of chatting with me, aren’t you? If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had feelings for me! Oh, no, dear me. Pretend you didn’t hear that! Hah hah hah! "

-Solaire of Astora



Derpiest:

"Still closed... Still closed...Mmmmmmm."

Siegmeyer of Catarina

I have a feeling most quotes will be from Siegmeyer/Solaire.

YOU SPOONY BARD!

Derpiest: Yulia! Yulia...

Derpiest? Priscilla's description of the inhabitants of the painted world comes to mind.

Best-Artorias from cut dialog: Ah, Sif, there you are.. *Coughs* All of you forgive me. For I have availed you nothing.

Aye simwae!

Priscilla-

"This land is peaceful, its inhabitants kind"

Yeah...sure.

Funniest - "Not too shabby" from the guy at firelink after you kill him. Its actually more ironic, especially if you kill him with a riposte.

Anything that Oswald of Carim says , the guy just cracks me up with his awkwardness. You can just imagine your character staring blankly at him whilst he does his routine : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcCdqoo6gLc

Easily the funniest line in the game for me is from when you meet Sieglinde. The way the actress says, "... it wasn't terrible in there..." Cracks me up just thinking of it.