The "let it out" thread.

Thanks guys. I care about my two sons. Compared to other men, I feel like a minority. Its eating me alive that I feel I have to leave in order to save my sanity.

I dont care what I have to do to be a good father (for the most part). If that means I have to leave, then so be it. My father was around all the time and he suk'd ballz.

Thanks for the support skare and soris, it makes me feel a little better. :|

Oh ya,

thnx to

dense, pirate, EaAyEss, and pendant for responding.

Look to the light at the end of the path you walk on and find the purpose to continue walking, even if it looks grim. Animaal you have two children, that makes you a father, someone who must take his life and make it so that his children live a good life, if not better than his own. They will need a father in their life to help them grow into the world, not thrown into it.

I'm afraid that your situation is above my pay-grade to give advice in, all I will say is, if you love your son you'll do what is right for him.

I apologize for the cliché, but I am at a loss.

We're always here for you (electronically)

Animaaal, you can't control what your remote family does(or even close family in most cases). Hell, you can't control what anyone does. What you can do is tell your wife how she's making you feel. Being the mother of two of your children and knowing your position and mental state, she should be respectful and understand that her actions are affecting you. Communication is key. All you can do when it comes to your family is ignore them as much as you can, I pretty much ignore all family members except my parents and brother, none of them have anything to offer me with regards to familial love and support.

Animaal - I can't imagine what you are going through. I don't handle manipulation well and that would cause my head to explode with rage. It seems like everyone is against you. Have you thought of moving away from your family, just you, your wife, and kids? Then, explain what she is doing and get her to realize how much it is hurting you.

When life is stressful, you are supposed to be able to turn to your family for support.

Forum - Being both introverted and bluntly honest can't be easy. I never had a girlfriend in high school, and met my wife 2 years into college. Before that, I thought I would never marry or have a family. So, I hear some of what you are going through.

Understand that your wife needs to understand this issue. Bring her to you and keep her away from your family. If you don't she will turn against you. You need your wife there, if not for you, then your kids. You can't change how your family is, but you can keep a stable family life away from them. Shield your children for a long time, and when they prove they can handle it, try to reveal how your family is and explain why you shielded them.

Thanks for the advice...everyone.

I respect you all, and would like more insight over the next few hours. However, my youngest just got back from the hospital for pulmonary problems (breathing). My wife and I argued persistantly, she is crying a little...so I guess we know what comes next.

How do you say no to a woman crying? Am I by chance going create my third child and then move away?

By the time you guys read this, I will be in my bedroom and trying to resist. I swear. Wish me luck.

If this is wrong and you guys would try and stop me, I'm only a mere mortal man.

Your guys advice is %$#@ing outstanding. Thanks again bros

There's nothing wrong with this. It is called "let it out" for a reason. Sorry just trying to assure you there Is nothing wrong with this. Though I'm reaching my limits a little, to handle a woman crying I guess you should try and comfort her as she is in a state of weakness now. As for a third child....that is your ultimate choice. I wish you great luck and hope you improve Animaal.

You guys are the best. Lately I've been made to feel like I'm a delusional headcase, who reads into things while someone says, "No I didn't say that?!?!?!"

I would love any more advice you guys would give me, but I just wanted to show respect and repond to all of you, this is a long rant. Thanks again ya'll...good night.

Oh, and btw...I caved like a 1/2 sheet of drywall holding an elephant. She cried, I hugged her, we kissed....3rd child 9 months from now you weak Animaaal???.....

skarekrow13 wrote:...as much as I can say I understand.......we both know I really don't...

There is much wisdom in this small statement. It shows that you actually do understand, just not as personally. You seem to understand if I say something like, "Ya this morning I started my day by drinking a cup of coffee on the crapper, only to hear my son stemming and twitching out, all the while wondering if he understands when I tell him I love him, let alone even know what the word means."

You do not know skare, how comforting it is for someone to say, "I don’t get it like you do". It shows you actually do. Thank you.

Soris Ice Goldwing wrote:Damn Animaal....I really and I really hate to say I actually understand that issue to the core. I rather not talk of my family for now, but yeah when you realize that your own blood tries to screw with you and those you care about, well the only option I found is to keep the ones you care out of it. That and act like you understand them so that they won't try to use you to please their bull-crap needs.

Though I find you slightly better. You're a grown man who can make his own decisions and can find a way to get the hell away.

Thank you for understanding.

Ya man, what’s up with that? The world is out to get ya, so eff everyone including your sister? brother? wtf man??? My family is %$#@ing crazy.

Thank you. But I dont know what the he!! to do right now.

Soris Ice Goldwing wrote:...They will need a father in their life to help them grow into the world, not thrown into it....

Ironically enough, it looks like what would throw them into the world would be what one would have assumed would help them grow into it. They are 6 and 4 years old. Might as well play the villain and leave now so they won’t be traumatized later.

WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:...if you love your son you'll do what is right for him...

Its instinct my friend. I promise. Any parent that loves their child will make their decision on what is best. Its knowing what is best is the dilemma. But ya, I agree with you 100%. Thats very honest advice, thank you.

densetsushun wrote:... Being the mother of two of your children and knowing your position and mental state, she should be respectful and understand that her actions are affecting you. Communication is key...

I've actually said that to her almost verbatim. I couldn't agree more. However, it's all about her and the hens clucking away about "gossip this" and "don't tell that". Its getting %$#@ing old man. How do you communicate to a liar?

reim0027 wrote:...Animaal - I can't imagine what you are going through. I don't handle manipulation well and that would cause my head to explode with rage. It seems like everyone is against you. Have you thought of moving away from your family, just you, your wife, and kids? Then, explain what she is doing and get her to realize how much it is hurting you.

When life is stressful, you are supposed to be able to turn to your family for support. ...

I don't curse around my children, but I have pulled many Yosimite Sams in the past week. My head is exploding, I dont know how I haven't let out a big eff bomb or two.

Several times. My career allows me to be mobile. Internationally mobile. Problem is, we moved back to our home town, because we thought we'd need emotional support because of our son....boy do I feel like a %$#@ing schmuck now.

EeAyEss wrote:I can't say anything except what I said before, Animaal. I'm praying for you. You and your goddamned magic. Seriously though.

Thank you for the

I have and and lately for answers, but they're just not coming.

And that was the first time I smiled all day...thanks for that man

I believe you misunderstood my intent. I was drawing attention to myself not trying to help you. I did not have sufficient info to comment.

In the interest of helping you, I'd have a long, serious and civil (do not be drawn into anger, it makes people do stupid things are generally refuse to listen to reason) conversation with your wife and relatives (seperately) to make your feelings very clear and reach workable solutions. If no such solutions can be reached, I'd advise re-evaluating the relationships and seriously considering removing the incompatable people, at least partially, from your life. If you're miserable, you're probably less likely to do right by your kids, and that should take priority imo.

Forum Pirate wrote:If you're miserable, you're probably less likely to do right by your kids, and that should take priority imo.

That's actually very true :/

Animaal, that is incredibly rough. To an extent it sort of reminds me of my father who essentially is going to be disabled for the rest of his life. We can't afford much, and I'll probably never be able to finish college or move out, let alone pay my hospital bills with everything that happened. So perhaps I could actually identify more with your son's in the situation.

My mother has actually talked about leaving us because of the stress of my father. He has been verbally abusive more than ever since he's been stuck at home. It is understandable since he had a heart attack and basically the rest of his life he'll just be sitting down watching TV without friends since he doesn't have any. Work was his life, and he loved to drive, neither are allowed for him anymore.

He always gets really furious and depressed when she brings up the idea of leaving. While your children might not understand I actually do.

I've told my mother I'd understand if she left. Doing everything for your children is one thing but I don't want her to put herself into an early grave over me. Maybe your children will be too young to understand, but it's possible some day they will Animaal.

I'm not entirely sure if this is advice, or what really. This situation just kind of hits me where the home is.

Talk with your wife Animaaal, ask her to remain civil and do your best to as well. If things escalate, let both of you cool down, then continue. Try to mitigate misunderstandings by setting ground rules up, try to get that trust back when you're speaking to one another. Tell her you'll be 100% straight with her, and you expect her to do so as well. Ask her about her emotions, tell her about your own. Whatever decision you end up making, don't let your kids be the ones to suffer from what might be a temporary thing.(I say might because I don't know if things will change or get better, but communication can do wonders if done properly).

Tolvo, I don't mean to be crass, but your dad is being an ***. I get that the heart attack left him incapable of working or doing things that he used to love, but that gives him no right to be verbally abusive. If you can handle the task, try being a mediator and get your parents to communicate. See if you can get your dad into finding something new to love doing, of course anything within your own means.

I can't stress this enough, communication is key.

@Tolvo, can he try to play a video-game?

EeAyEss wrote:@Tolvo, can he try to play a video-game?

I second this. A good videogame might help him, they can be very therapeutic.

I agree, why not a video game? Though not knowing his father, he may have an adverse attitude towards video games so forcing him to play one might do more harm than good.

There is only one game he doesn't think is utter garbage, and that is Pilot Wings for the N64, and I think he just acted like it was fun so he could do something with us for a bit.

Generally my sister and I try to watch Netflix with him, but often I'll stop for a week or two when he says something really offensive to me.

I can't really act as a mediator, my family members don't listen to me at all. I'm the black sheep and pretty much treated as a joke by them. Only my mother really listens to me.

For example, I was raised to never say no to anyone. I was essentially raised to believe I have no say in any matter. And that's still in effect in this household.

That sucks dude

I'm sorry to hear that Tart. She may not have been close but it always hits you.