You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

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    You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by mugenis4real on Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:25 am

    I shouldn't be looking to an Internet forum for answers, but maybe the right person will read this.

    I'm 19 and I feel like I have nobody. My friends all want me to fail. Ive noticed that the second they see me trying to improve myself, they try to put me down. I start working out and they go out of their way to order junk food and keep me away from my equipment with any excuse they can find. When I start doing well in my classes they barrage me with insults as to how idiotic I am and how getting good grades wont matter because I'm attending a community college. My family is no better. When my mom and dad see me slipping, they throw the same insults, telling me for hours on end how I will never amount to anything. They call it motivation but it drains me in a way I cant explain.

    This made me start thinking, do I even have any real friends? I thought I did, but maybe ive been living in a fantasy world all along. Now more than ever I feel like I have no one to talk to, but I wont show anyone that I'm feeling this. I wont give them the satisfaction. I'm not the type to shed tears but the more I bury this, the less emotion I feel. The less I care about everything. I don't know if any of this makes sense, maybe theres something wrong with me that causes people to act like this, I cant really say but I'm practically a man by now right? I shouldn't be feeling this way right? I don't know. I don't want to be a failure.

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by User on Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:32 am

    I know the feeling. I have not gad the same experience, but I know the feeling of faliure.

    You are not a faliure sweetheart. You have been trying your best, as you say, and it is not your fault that things are trying to bring you down. Trust me when I say, I have had people bring me down and make me feel like a faliure, again and again.

    You are not a faliure. You are in Strife... I understand. Trust me when I say, Emotion has come and gone from me, although usually before I grow really tired I get very emotional. Like I said, we had different experiences... But I do understand emptiness well.

    Coincidences have been following me in my life a lot. Go figure.

    Listen to what I say; You are not a faliure.
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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by Digitalyzed on Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:35 am

    Ouch man, gave it a read, and it seems you're in a pickle.

    To be honest it's hard to tell if your friends just loathe you to the point they want to make sure you don't achieve anything, or if they are scared that if you can become better you'll leave them for other more popular groups.

    But it doesn't matter, to hell with what they want. You should be making your own excuses, making routines and dates in *hard copy* and sticking to them no matter what. Don't eat junk food with them, have your own supply (I'd recommend oats, and general high protein meats and dairies, they'll keep you full and last a while) Don't let them put you down, it's your life and your choice, and you CAN become something if you have the will and motivation to look past what other people expect of you.

    Improve yourself no matter the consequences or ties you have to cut, and if they can't accept you during, or after that, you know who your friends sure aren't. If you need any help with studying or fitness routines (Though I doubt you do, you probably know your stuff), just pm me.

    Good luck bro



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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by mugenis4real on Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:56 am

    Thank you. You don't know how much your words mean to me. happy

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by User on Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:22 am

    Get well Comrade; Always strive for what you want... What you desire is more than anything important than what others say. Your opinion, your thoughts, your emotions, your wants, and in heneral you matter. Most importantly you matter to you.

    Always love yourself. It is a healthy way of keeping your emotions from reaching to the darkest of pits... At least try to love yourself. Looking at your qualities in a 3rd person perspective can help ; Cons and Pros, both of them, can help discover love for someone... And it is not just you that you can love by discovering it.

    I hope ypu find froends to be with that you can love.
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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by Mr. Tart on Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:55 am

    I know what you mean. I've experienced a case much similar to this one my whole life. I've always been backstabbed. I have one friend now, although i kind of doubt whether he is my friend or if i'm just paranoid. Sometimes we befriend the people that want to cause us harm for their own satisfaction. So perhaps that is the case, or perhaps you're being paranoid. Either way, if it harms you in any way then you would have to end the friendship. That doesn't mean you should stop caring for everything or hiding it all inside. I've hardly ever shed a tear myself, but that's because i can't. That's not the point though. The point is, you should never give in to your thoughts, because you're better than that. You'll make it through, you'll just have to think about the future, and what joy it will bring. Some day perhaps, i will be able to follow my own advice as well. Look Skyward

    Edit: On another note, i could tell you whatever you want to make you happy. But fact is, only you know what is right at the end of the day, because only you are in that situation. And i don't mean you're the only one experiencing **** like this, but that only you are YOU, and thus only you know what to do. However, i hope that my post could in some way guide you towards your decision.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, although we do not know eachother even the slightest bit, keep in mind that i always offer my friendship and support if you wish to talk. I would like to think that i'm of great help. Though i'm getting off topic again. Good luck. Bow


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by vatar5 on Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:40 am

    Oh man I'm not good at saying the good words BUT

    I still have my father yelling at me insults whenever I fail something.
    I guess the bad thing to do would be to cut yourself completely from the others,I mean this is what Im trying to do,not caring about having friends,not caring about fashion or clothes or how the others think of me. But in the end,yeah I can't even love,I don't have a passion,I just want to live and help other people,that's all I care about.
    But I think you may be better if you start beeing a bit optimistic and think that the world is bigger than these "friends" and your parents,there are many nice people that you may meet one day. Don't care about these insults and live the way YOU want to live. Don't let other people put you down,you're better than them.
    You absolutely want to go work out and someone tell you "No U go eat MacDo NAOW" when you don't want to eat McDo?Screw that guy and go work out o/ except if its a real friend who cares about you,then explain why you want to work out and if he doesn't understand your reasons,then it's not a real friend o/


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by raecor14 on Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:18 am

    yeah i feel like that all the time, i made the mistake of telling people that i want to be a doctor and now every time i fail i get "that's not a doctors grade" and how if i don't get A's ill fail miserably. all i can really say is don't dwell on everything to much, you know if your friends really are friends or if they aren't, maybe find some new people to hang around though that can be hard. do what you want to do though, don't let your mum and dad tell you what you want, don't let your friends pull you back, just do it and anyone who wants to tag along can come for the ride


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:19 am

    That's terrible man. And reading it makes me feel very sad.

    You should talk to your friends and let them know that your personal betterment comes first.

    And I'm right there with the parents thing, so draining. Prostration

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Fri Nov 02, 2012 12:36 pm

    It can be depressing being surrounded by assholes, I know.



    Just keep in mind that whereever you are is temporary. You'll be out of the house and on your own eventually and however you are feeling now won't matter then. All bad feelings pass with time.

    As far as people and their expectations, don't put to much stock in them. Making other people happy won't make you happy. Find what makes you happy (which may take time and a lot of experimentation) and stick with it. If you can do that you'll find that you won't really care much about meeting other peoples expectations anymore, because you'll be content.

    Also, once you are out of school, nobody really gives a **** what your grades were like. If you want a job that requires a degree, do what you have to do, but if you're like me and are happiest working with your hands outside, just enjoy the careless freedom of school while it last.

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Fri Nov 02, 2012 12:43 pm

    Furthermore, it is hard to determine who real friends are in modern society.

    A friendship based solely on shared interest isn't really substantial.

    My only real friends(meaning loyal to me, whatever I do) are the ones that I climb with and work with, and it is only a few guys. Doing dangerous things together on a regular basis together builds a real foundation of friendship.

    Of course climbing isn't for everyone, but I'm sure you'll find something you like to do that is more substantial than gaming, drinking, or whatever you do with your current friends.



    And, if all else fails and you just can't find anyone in your area except lame-o's, learn to enjoy yourself. There is nothing wrong with that.







    ***I feel like this might not be the place to say it, but one of the best things you can do if you're feeling down is to get outside and exercise. I don't know where you live, but a hike, a run, swimming, getting out on a boat, just hanging out in nature with some friends or alone if you prefer, will ALWAYS make you feel better. I don't know how to explain it but it just does.

    I got injured bad enough that most of the summer up until now I have mostly just been sitting around playing DKS, and it can get depressing. Video games, especially DKS, can be a helluva a lot of fun, but don't let it be the main part of your life. In the end they can never provide any real fulfillment. Every other day or so I go out for a long walk in the woods, since I can't climb, hike, or do anything very physical right now. By the time I get back I feel so much better, I get things done I didn't feel like I had energy to do before, I sleep well, etc.

    There are so many things out there that are easily accessible. If you enjoy DKS, maybe you would dig archery? Or a local jiu-jitsu gym? Or going out of town and exploring different cities, just to see what is there.

    Talking to people helps a lot, but your own happiness is totally up to you. Ask yourself why you are feeling unhappy, see what you can change, experiment, and impliment. Kind of like playing DKS, you know?


    Last edited by BIG TIME MASTER on Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Nov 02, 2012 12:54 pm

    “We exist in a culture that, despite all the scientific knowledge we have on the subject, tries to suppress discussions of depression. A lot of people simply do not want to talk about it, even though more than 38,000 people committed suicide in the United States in 2010. As you are reading this right now, someone, somewhere in the US is probably in the process of killing him- or herself.

    “Unfortunately, many people who suffer from depression feel as if they cannot speak about it. In my past, there have been instances in which my superiors explicitly told me not to talk about my mental illness at work or even tweet about it. But it goes beyond the workplace, too. A Vietnam veteran once brushed off my depression, telling me that since I’ve not had to fight in a war, I have never had anything remotely resembling a truly bad day.

    “I have, at times, felt like I had no chance to speak out about what was going on in my head, and so it came as little surprise that when I finally admitted to my mother this year that I had been suicidal for a large chunk of my life, she was completely caught off guard. The problem was not that she didn’t pay attention. The problem was that I learned to hide my condition from most people very well.

    “But hiding doesn’t solve anything; rather, it creates more issues. As anyone who has dealt with depression can attest, being alone in your own head when a bad spell hits is the worst feeling in the world. Sufferers have to know they can share their feelings with others, but we do a bad job of letting them do that.”

    -Phils Owens on the suicide of game journalist Matt Hughes.

    I suggest you find people to be open about yourself with, even if they are just people online. I deal with extreme depression on a daily basis and it honestly helps to have anyone to talk with. Don't ever feel alone man and keep working towards whatever your goals are despite what others say.
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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by Knight Alundil on Fri Nov 02, 2012 12:58 pm

    You're on your own darlin, all that "motivation" your parents give you and your friends deliberately putting you down isn't going to matter at the end of the day 'cause soon yo'll be the oldest generation in your family and your parents will be dead, all your friends will have moved on or became their own failures or whatever and you'll have a whole bunch of new friends putting you down and trying to one up you.

    The vast majority of people are like this and generally most people take one of two choices. I'm sure there are more than this but i've never given it the time to find out.

    1. Forget about 'em, when your parents give you **** tell them to *** off and leave the house and go study at the library or whatever.

    2. Spend alot of time trying to nurture the relationships you already have and try to get them to understand how you feel. Though at the end of the day you can't change who someone else is you can only change yourself.


    Really, though, you are 19. In a years time you probably won't feel like this and you'll still be really young so don't worry about ^_^

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by Deathsitexxi on Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:23 pm

    mugenis4real wrote:I shouldn't be looking to an Internet forum for answers, but maybe the right person will read this.

    I'm 19 and I feel like I have nobody. My friends all want me to fail. Ive noticed that the second they see me trying to improve myself, they try to put me down. I start working out and they go out of their way to order junk food and keep me away from my equipment with any excuse they can find. When I start doing well in my classes they barrage me with insults as to how idiotic I am and how getting good grades wont matter because I'm attending a community college. My family is no better. When my mom and dad see me slipping, they throw the same insults, telling me for hours on end how I will never amount to anything. They call it motivation but it drains me in a way I cant explain.

    This made me start thinking, do I even have any real friends? I thought I did, but maybe ive been living in a fantasy world all along. Now more than ever I feel like I have no one to talk to, but I wont show anyone that I'm feeling this. I wont give them the satisfaction. I'm not the type to shed tears but the more I bury this, the less emotion I feel. The less I care about everything. I don't know if any of this makes sense, maybe theres something wrong with me that causes people to act like this, I cant really say but I'm practically a man by now right? I shouldn't be feeling this way right? I don't know. I don't want to be a failure.

    I'm 28 years old and in all honestly I truly only have 2 real friends (and they are not from High School). I had a big depression time from 18-23ish where I was really lonely and didn't really have anyone to turn to but myself. I read alot of Psychology books and got way to into an MMO called Final Fantasy 11, but in the end everything I did felt empty and useless. Then I joined the military to try and get out of my funk and it worked to distract for a while but I eventually felt those empty feelings creeping back up. During this whole time I really got into dream analysis and started writing a short story about a recurring dream I had during the worst times of my depression. I kinda suck at writing so I had a friend editing it for me. Unfortunately depressed people tend to attract other depressed people and my friend decided to kill himself just as we were about to finish the book. So I tossed anything he worked on out and started over about a year ago. Two years ago I found the girl of my dreams, we got married and now my first son is turning 1 and we have another child on the way.

    There will be very down times and even if you pull out of it one day sometimes those feelings can still linger around. The best thing to do is trust that one day it truly will get better, and you will find people that honestly care for you. At this point even if something were to happen between me and my wife I know I would be okay due to the fact that I want to be around for my children and help ensure their lives are as comfortable as possible. Find things that hold your interest and focus on those until the time comes when you'll find the people you're supposed to be around..


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by bunnywink on Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:31 pm

    I think, in your situation, it is possible to find those true friends you seek. The people you choose to surround yourself with are very important, you just haven't chosen very wisely. And maybe it's time to cut-off those poisonous "friends" (they sound more like "frenemies" to me...) and find those who will love and support you in all your endeavors. I don't really know what else to say except that I wish you the best.


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:46 pm

    If you are feeling like people are real dirtbags, take note of all the people who jump into this thread wanting to console a stranger.

    Humans are compassionate by nature. If we see someone hurt, we want to help. Every negative thought comes from your own mind, not from other people. Nobody can put a bad thought in your mind. It is physically impossible. They can say things that come from bad thoughts in their minds, but it cannot affect what is going on in yours, unless you let it. If someone is being hard on you, consider why. Why are they so unhappy, and what can you do to help them? The old saying, what goes around comes around, is true. If you are unconditionally compassionate to those who are rude to you, they will come around, eventually. If you let their negativity bring you down, you are all just going to continue spiralling down.

    Don't get into the mindset that if you want to be happy you need better friends, more supportive parents, a new car, a high paying job, a big greasy burrito dinner, etc. As long as you are dependant on external factors to feel happy you will never be, or at least not more than temporarily. Anything that you gain can be lost, so the only real way to overcome your depression is by changing your state of mind, and how you perceive things. That is all accomplished by being introspective and simply asking yourself the hard questions you would like to rather avoid.

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by mugenis4real on Sat Nov 03, 2012 2:28 am

    I find it hard to believe that random people off the internet could be so comforting, but then this community is one of the best. I'm going to cut the bad fruit off of the tree and stick to my goals, it's on me to be happy. Changing my state of mind (BIG TIME MASTER) in a sense. big grin
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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by ViralEnsign_ on Sat Nov 03, 2012 3:08 am

    mugenis4real wrote:I shouldn't be looking to an Internet forum for answers, but maybe the right person will read this.

    I'm 19 and I feel like I have nobody. My friends all want me to fail. Ive noticed that the second they see me trying to improve myself, they try to put me down. I start working out and they go out of their way to order junk food and keep me away from my equipment with any excuse they can find. When I start doing well in my classes they barrage me with insults as to how idiotic I am and how getting good grades wont matter because I'm attending a community college. My family is no better. When my mom and dad see me slipping, they throw the same insults, telling me for hours on end how I will never amount to anything. They call it motivation but it drains me in a way I cant explain.

    This made me start thinking, do I even have any real friends? I thought I did, but maybe ive been living in a fantasy world all along. Now more than ever I feel like I have no one to talk to, but I wont show anyone that I'm feeling this. I wont give them the satisfaction. I'm not the type to shed tears but the more I bury this, the less emotion I feel. The less I care about everything. I don't know if any of this makes sense, maybe theres something wrong with me that causes people to act like this, I cant really say but I'm practically a man by now right? I shouldn't be feeling this way right? I don't know. I don't want to be a failure.

    Dude I hear that.

    I had the same thing throughout highschool.

    I would do well in whatever it was I wanted to do well in, english and writing stories, short and long, and I would get trashed by my mates, none of whom have any real appreciation for the craft of writing nor actually share any of my hobbies or interests.

    So every time I see something related to that sort of thing....they take all of the fun out of it, sometimes ruining the experience of it and continue being ignorant of what they are talking about.

    Even now that some of them have finally grown up a little, Im still mocked for doing an Arts Degree, and because of that I find it hard to get motivated over most study I do because of that.

    Again I know the "less emotion I feel the better" process. Its easier not to give a rats arse if someone is trashing what you hold dear....but in all honest in my experience that is not that way to deal with these issues.

    Again im pretty tall, thin, and rather pale. So when I decided to begin changing that sort of stuff I copped a lot of flak for trying to work out, or trying to get a tan, or simply avoiding unpleasant situations that would make me feel awkward.


    In the end I was let onto a bit of a secret by one of my mates, and it was this that actually made me realise that Im not the only one who feels this way. He is a med student, so never gets **** for his path in life, but he too has his own stresses and issues that I could never understand.

    Catharitc Writing helped me a lot. Simply writing out on a continuous Word file exactly how I was feeling, how I was angry, or sad, or whatever. From there I could see exactly where I was in the scheme of things and I could work through my issues without keeping them bottled up.

    Also this forum is more or less something cathartic in a way. Its a group of individuals that enjoy something I enjoy when no one else does, seems to, or wants to enjoy the things I do.

    But bro I figured out recently that when you feel the way you do...you just stop trying, or trying to feel, and that doesnt get you anywhere. What helped me is realising that while your mates can try to sabotage you, or get you to do what they want to, all you have to do is realise that you are doing what you want to do,a nd because of that you can take pride in it and work towards it.

    Trust me if your mates are anything like mine, no matter what kind of douche bags they can be sometimes, they always will have your back no matter what you decide to do.

    I all honesty everything you have just mentioned is how I have felt this entire year. its tough but keep at it man.


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by ViralEnsign_ on Sat Nov 03, 2012 3:10 am

    Infact oddly enough.....

    Im 19 too

    Im at college for an Arts degrees....

    I also work to improve myself....

    etc. Its odd that someone in a place so vastly different from the one I am in is also experiencing the same issues I am.


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by GrinTwist on Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:34 am

    I've always been in a bit of a dark place, to be honest, I don't really have many friends that live around here any more. They're either dead or have moved elsewhere so it's just me and one other person. Even then it doesn't really matter I've always been able to tell that they never really cared about me, never invited me to anything and would avoid me if anything special to me ever happened, like birthdays or something like that. I'd invite them over and they would never respond or say they were busy. As far as family, well, never really had any family.

    ...

    I think I'm gonna go watch some MLP now.


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:46 am

    Wow, an Arts degree, Viral. And here I thought I had a useless major. silly

    j/k - It sounds fun, I've read some of your lore, you're certainly talented.

    @Grin - I've had friends move away too, so I know what that's like, haven't had any die on me, thankfully. That's pretty shocking though, I don't know how I would cope with that (watch MLP? silly). As for that "friend" - *** him is all I can say about that. That's no way to treat a friend, I know I would treat you with a lot more respect were I ever to gain your friendship.

    @Alundil - That advice is absolutely legendary! lol!

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by GrinTwist on Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:51 am

    Thought we were already friends Applejack.

    Actually most of the friends that have moved away were the ones that avoided me. The one that is still around is much more genuine but since I'm busy with school I can't always talk with him.

    Guess it's what I get for dressing and acting a bit different from the rest of the crowd, huh?


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Mon Nov 05, 2012 12:54 am

    Yeah, of course we're friends. I just meant on a face-to-face kind of a way, and if I misread your friend then I am sorry. Never apologize for being different though, I'm a firm believer (and maybe I'm a fool for thinking so) that everyone's individual uniqueness will eventually pay off for them somewhere down the line, so stick with it.

    Then again, maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic... :oops:

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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by GrinTwist on Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:00 am

    I'm never going to change. Unless if I feel that what I'm doing is hurting someone I care for.

    Also it's fine if you misread it happens all the time and it's completely understandable.


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    Re: You Ever Get To That Dark Place?

    Post by Mr. Tart on Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:17 am

    GrinTwist wrote:I've always been in a bit of a dark place, to be honest, I don't really have many friends that live around here any more. They're either dead or have moved elsewhere so it's just me and one other person. Even then it doesn't really matter I've always been able to tell that they never really cared about me, never invited me to anything and would avoid me if anything special to me ever happened, like birthdays or something like that. I'd invite them over and they would never respond or say they were busy. As far as family, well, never really had any family.

    ...

    I think I'm gonna go watch some MLP now.

    Remove the dead and replace MLP with music and you just described my life. :suspect:

    Too many times have i been in ''the dark place''. In fact, i am right now. And you know what really bugs me? People that claim they feel bad for people that has committed suicide or are being bullied, whether it's in a movie or a documentary, but once they're faced with it they don't do **** about it. That's what i've been faced with almost my whole life, and it pisses me off. :x

    What i would like to say though is that i have one friend right now, and sometimes i fear, seeing as i'm the kind of person that needs someone there for them, i'm always being paranoid about it, feeling that he's avoiding me. I'm not claiming that you are being paranoid, but if that is the case, and even if it is not, you should still talk to them about it. And if it turns out to be the case, with no change, then they're not your friends. If it turns out that you feel the same way, although you're not sure, but you suspect you're being paranoid, then that friendship is not healthy for you. You have to find out why you feel the way you feel however. But always keep in mind that if the friendship is hurting you, then it's not worth it. Sometimes you have to put yourself before others. I truly wish you the best. And remember, you're number 1. Point Forward

    Note: I edited some of the text because i felt like i went too far on some cases, so if it just seems out of place, atleast you know why. And although i doubt it, i'm sorry if i somehow managed to offend anyone.


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