Skarekrow at the Kiln: A day(or so) in the life

This post if for comedic value, controversy and a way to chap the arses out of a hated enemy.....farmers.

I just recently got into the online play hardcore this week and early on, I found I prefer Jolly Cooperation. I like PvP and don't mind dying but there's a lot of silly people that change the game's mood for me. Me like grim game, not silly.

Last night I had some great Kiln duels (mostly resulting in my death) and some bad beatdowns by farmers. My special moment came after I started trying to see if people wanted Gwyn dead. Some did. I helped. It ruled. One person summoned me and there was an invisible phantom killing him. He looked pretty desperate and not a duelist but alas I could not help him. He summoned me again right after he died and sure enough, he wants to fight Gwyn. One more phantom summoned and we rush in.....and he dies. Whoops! He summons me a third time. And a different phantom. Down goes Gwyn. HUGE RUSH!! I helped someone who really needed it. Shortly after I go to bed.

Today I was off of work and decided to try to have the warm feelings from last night. No one on the planet apparently wants to kill Gwyn at noon EST. Crap. I do some PvP and then try to co-op again. I'm summoned by a guy not spamming dried finger. Good start. He summons a second phantom. We kill the black nights, we get to the fog gate and turn around. He spams the dried finger. Jerk. I decided to have a soliloquy in game. My character goes: "Self, if I stay summoned, the most he can do is 2v1 unless I decide otherwise." I stay to watch. Here's my tale of exploration.

They killed a good number of unsuspecting invaders who were likely hoping for some 1v1 action. They die to 2v1, not 3v1. I'm feeling ok with what I'm doing. After a while I noticed something that changes my farmer opinion a little. Don't hate me yet. Some invaders don't run. They don't panic, they deliberately attempt to engage all 3 of us, including me who's not even helping. What? I realize finally, some of these guys WANT a 3v1! Ok....that never occurred to me as I have only ever easily won one fight ever (thank you guy in non havel or giant heavy armor and Iron Golem ax). So one of these guys comes in and the 2v1 isn't fair.....to the farmers. I decide to be a little evil and jump in. This invader gives all three of us a run for our money. I finally land the killing blow with the host almost dead. The host drops me a Sunlight medal and I bow, signaling that manners apply in my eyes. To this point, neither the host nor the other phantom have done anything despicable or cliche besides farming (backstabs, magic spams, havel's, bkga, etc.). So I mistakenly believe that maybe they think the same thing I do, we provide a fair fight for the elite. Then I got a message from the host. He's bragging to me, the guy who just bailed him out of certain death that he has "invaded so much that he's in the top 50." First off...top 50 what? Who cares? Secondly, I am a mediocre at best PvP warrior and I just saved you. You're nothing special. I decide I am just another slot filler again. Lucky for me the next guy was elite. I stand by the two pillars motionless as the invader obliterates the phantom and then the host. No one "in the top 50" anything should need my help.

Later on I start dropping white signs again and the SAME GUY summons me for help. Him and a second phantom seemed to have learned from my earlier abandonment an are playing as fair as can be in a 2v1 and 3v1 situation. We meet an elite guy who engages us all and I step in once more, leading to a victory. I decide the absolute best place for me is dead center in front of the spawn point so I can be seen bowing by the phantom. The next invader comes in and I notice the host and his phantom have now gone to the sides, out of sight. I am not a fan of this. I bow, the phantom bows.....and they attack.....Ok. I move just far out of the way to let the guy know I am not a combatant any longer. He DESTROYS the phantom. I lol. He hits the host hard. The host runs. Behind me. Weak. I try to move out of the way but the guy has to account for me and can't kill the host immediately. Lame. I try to move, the host gets enough distance to get a second phantom in again. This one is also promptly killed. Good job invader. The host tries to run behind me again so I run. He is killed to my delight. The invader starts hacking at me as I bow to him.

So the moral I took from this is that there ARE some people who like being on the wrong side of 3v1 but the persons willing to be on the 3 side aren't honorable enough to 1v1 the n00bs or 2v1 the not quite elite players. They always want a 3v1 with no honor and no respect. While I will still drop white signs I will no longer aid these guys even under honorable circumstances. I will however take up one of their phantom slots so a 3v1 is not possible.

Good read.

Personally, I LOVE being on the 1 side of a 3v1. But when the host starts chugging multiple estus flasks to heal all his phantoms, that's when I start getting annoyed.

Best case scenario is I go in a 3v1, they let me buff, and I destroy them all.

But that never happens.

What usually happens is I invade, 2 phantoms are in melee range of me while I'm spawning, and the host is cowering a distance away, usually to the side so I can't see him. Obviously, there's not a chance in hell I'll be able to buff. So what I do is, while I spawn, I look for the host. As soon as I've spawned... I cast a WoG to get the ******* phantoms off me! I've learned to always have WoG ready in the spell slot before I invade. Once WoG's cleared my path, I run for the host, and that's when the 3v1 starts.

Obviously he's chugged a flask already before I get to him, so his phantoms are back to full health. Otherwise, it's a 3v1 as usual, only I'm one WoG down and unbuffed (I have a backup elemental Iaito, but I invade with my Regular +15 hoping for a duel, so I'm ill equipped to be unbuffed in the event that I come up against farmers).

Not gonna lie, most of the time I lose. In all honesty, though, I blame those losses on 2 factors: 1. I'm at a weapon disadvantage, 2. The Kiln is terrible terrain to be fighting a 3v1 in. Because most 3v1s I come across in other areas of the world, I easily hold my own.

Moral of the story is: I would enjoy 3v1s in the Kiln, is the host wasn't such a ***** on top of having a numerical advantage that he needs to heal and have me be less than optimally equipped (not to mention the terrain, all the way up on the sides where the hosts hide). The day I invade and I have 3 people bowing in front of me, I will jizz in my pants.

I would have no problem being part of a group that showed respect or did three 1v1. I learned a lot very quickly from elite players who thrived on the group fight.