Ganken: The Film

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    Tolvo
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    Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:49 am

    Tolvo: I have a Friend who wants to be a hunter. I was wondering if you have any tips for him.
    Brokewilly: Yeah, I do. Tell him pick another covenant.

    Tolvo: I'm not comfortable with this.
    Matt: Tolvo.
    Tolvo: I know the Forest, Matt.
    Matt: Tolvo, please...
    Tolvo: I don't think an SL 30 should be invading alone.
    Matt: I'm not gonna be alone.
    Tolvo: Two SL 30's.
    Matt: Chris' SL 40!
    Tolvo: How about this? How about if I go along? You won't even know I'm there. I'm very good at being invisible.
    Dough: As you so amply demonstrated for the rest of isr life.

    Dough: I don't get you.
    Tolvo: What?
    Dough: You sacrificed your sanity to the service of the forest, you've made a mess of your life in the service of alvina; can't you sacrifice a little one time for your own friend?
    Tolvo: I would sacrifice anything for him.

    Matt: You don't have to worry.
    Tolvo: That's like telling duelists not to bow, Matt.

    Tolvo: I don't know who you are. I don't know what your PSN is. If you are looking for hatemail, I can tell you I won't supply any. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for gankers like you. If you let my friend go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
    Ganker: [after a long pause] lulz scrub.

    Skare: The specialty of the groups coming out of this area is trafficking in dragon backstabs.
    Tolvo: Keep going.
    Skare: Okay. Their previous MO was to spawn camp from the emerging other countries countries like Astora, Catarina, Thorolund, jobs in the west as sunbros. Once they BB'ed them in, they'd addict them to souls and turn them into gankers. Lately, however, they've decided that it's more economical just to summon red spirits. Makes forest mobs less dangerous.
    Dough: [crying] Not my little baby.
    Tolvo: What else?
    Skare: Based on what they know about the way these groups operate, our analyst says you have a ninety-six hour window from the time he was ganked.
    Tolvo: To what?
    Skare: Or you'll never connect to them.

    Tolvo: [to Ganker] You don't remember me? We spoke on PSN two days ago. I told you I would find you.

    Tolvo: [after Dragon Backstabber tries to BS him] That is what happens when you strafe all day. You forget things, like how to parry, and how to toggle.
    [Tolvo pulls his bow and shoots The host in the arm]
    Dragon: Bastard!
    [Dragon turns and shouts at Tolvo in 1337]
    Dragon: You *******!
    Bryan: It's a flesh wound. But if you don't get me what I need, the last thing you'll see before I make your save file corrupt, is the arrow I put between her eyes!

    Griefer: Please understand... it was all hilarious. It wasn't hurtful.
    Tolvo: It was all hurtful to me.
    [Hornet's Backstabs Griefer]

    Ganker: [Holding Matt hostage] Taste my Washing pole's...
    [Tolvo ripostes him through the gut, then slams him into the floor]

    I was bored as you can see.


    Last edited by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Vigilant God on Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:52 am

    Best. Thread. Ever. Made. Period.


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by DoughGuy on Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:52 am

    Why am I the love interest?!
    lol great work as always big grin


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:53 am

    Thread? Matt I was just retelling our experience in the forest.
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:58 am

    I think next I might try Citizen Kane, but about Glyphblade.

    It'll of course start with him leaving the forum, while uttering the word "Pendant."
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by DoughGuy on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:02 am

    I see a series coming on!


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:03 am

    After that, Goldeneye. Boris will be replaced with a nameless hacker. It's perfect.

    "I am invincible!"

    Then he gets show with a DSB off the cliff.
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Vigilant God on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:05 am

    You need to figure out how to fit BoC into one of them....or me saying "Watch this!" and then face planting on fail jumps.


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:07 am

    It'll be like the film Teeth Matt, but instead it will be called "Moss."

    Also I plan to redo the Iron Giant, but instead call it The Iron Tarkus.
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by DoughGuy on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:07 am

    BoC? Just any japanese movie will do silly


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:08 am

    I could do the pokemon episode about Tentacruel.
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:14 am

    Basically, these are the brainstormings of the Skype Chat, let's just say I can tell I need to go to sleep when I suggest "Ceaseless Discharge Bukakke Tsunami."
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by cloudyeki on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:29 am

    How bout Iron Man? And Avatar? Hell, this thread is already awesome as is, but it could be so much more.


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by cloudyeki on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:29 am

    Bonfires 11!


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:31 am

    The sky is the limit when it comes to **** parodies. I'm not opposed to any.
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by cloudyeki on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:44 am

    Forest Trek: The Painted Animation
    Forest Trek: The Fury of Carl
    Forest Trek: The Search for Shiva
    Forest Trek: The Walk Home
    Forest Trek: The Past Frontier
    Forest Trek: The Undiscovered Basin
    Forest Trek Generations
    Forest Trek First Invasion
    Forest Trek Revolt
    Forest Trek


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:47 am

    We've come up with like fifty more, but they're all porn. So I don't think we can post them. Most of them will be heavily censored. But let's just say, I made a great one about Artorias the Abyss Walker.
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by cloudyeki on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:48 am

    Man I wanna join in.


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:49 am

    Then use Skype!
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by cloudyeki on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:50 am

    Add me, it's Cloudy_eki


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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:30 am

    The very definition of a life-altering thread, this.

    Tolvo never ceases to amaze.

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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Tolvo on Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:36 am

    Thanks, this is what happens when I stay up all night in a Skype Call making up Sex Pun Porn Films for Dark Souls.

    Who could forget the Illustrious, Catch us, *** Us, Petrus.

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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by Spurgun on Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:22 am

    What´s your skype tolvo?
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    Re: Ganken: The Film

    Post by cloudyeki on Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:38 pm

    Knights II

    CF Knight: *Opens the door to his shop in Sen's to find it burning down*


    *cut to CFK and BIT standing on the bridge, watching the flames die down*
    BI tarkus: Pyromancers?
    CFK: *Gives BIT a look*
    BIT: Sh*t, I left a candle lit didn't I.

    *cut to the burg, where CFK and BIT are sitting between a pair of barrels where the UD Merchant usually is. Oscar walks up to them*
    Oscar: Been here in lordran for how long and you're still merchants?

    *Cut to Solaire and Seigmeyer, standing up the stairs from CFK and BIT*
    Solaire: Ya know, I wish I had done more with my life. Maybe become an healer. Find a cure for undead. And then F*ck it.

    *Cut to a montage of CFK and BIT putting dead basalisk pieces into a flask, and then Solaire drinking a flask*
    Solaire: Yo this tastes like frogs

    *Cut to an image of Taurus' face, groaning. Then cut to Beatrice*
    Beatrice: That is disgusting... And yet I can't look away.

    *Seigmeyer starts playing a lute*
    Solaire: OOOh *starts dancing*


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