My thoughts

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Tue Oct 08, 2013 11:12 am

    I do not really mind posting a lot. Most the discussions I am not involved in and/or can not state my position due to not having enough experience. Things like the art or avatar thread I can do, but no discussions.


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Soul of Stray Demon on Tue Oct 08, 2013 4:52 pm

    Encore wrote:I do not really mind posting a lot. Most the discussions I am not involved in and/or can not state my position due to not having enough experience. Things like the art or avatar thread I can do, but no discussions.
    Why do you have more posts than me? I thought you didn't actually post that much, but here I see you have like have 2-3 times me.

    And why didn't I get a long drawn out post in response to what I said? I thought you wuved me? (Insert Laugh Smiley here)...

    It's fine, You already talk to me a whole lot.

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Tue Oct 08, 2013 6:31 pm

    Soul of Stray Demon wrote:
    Encore wrote:I do not really mind posting a lot. Most the discussions I am not involved in and/or can not state my position due to not having enough experience. Things like the art or avatar thread I can do, but no discussions.
    Why do you have more posts than me? I thought you didn't actually post that much, but here I see you have like have 2-3 times me.

    And why didn't I get a long drawn out post in response to what I said? I thought you wuved me? (Insert Laugh Smiley here)...

    It's fine, You already talk to me a whole lot.
    I prefer writing until I conveyed what I wanted to say, and sometimes just talk on for... Yeah I do not always know the reason I just know that I want to write, express my feelings and be happy happy

    I do not plan long winded responses, since if I did I would set a too high of a standard and then when I want to involve myself in the discussion I would take too long of myself to actually write it. That isn't good because I often post from school, and too long responses would force it to overtake the few breaks I plan and be prioritized over school work, and I wouldn't like that.

    Soul of Stray Demon wrote:Encore, You know I love you lots. On a friend level, and maybe even more so. You are easily the best friend I have ever had, online or off. Whatever reason you had for joining the thread doesn't matter. The fact is that you did. And what came with that was both good and bad (like with everything.) I know you've said to me a few times that I am one of those good things about it and I really truly appreciate it. If I had never met you, while I still may be on this forum, I know for sure I wouldn't enjoy near as much.


    I think you're very kind and sweet, and you have an amazing personality. I know it's hard for you to accept it when people say good things about you, but you need to know it's true. You really really are a great person, and I am overjoyed I've gotten to know you. Even if you leave this forum, I'm sure we can always be friends though Skype and etc.

    Just know this... You are wonderful, and although you may have some small flaws, you are understanding of them and try to work past them. I actually respect you more then I respect anyone else I know.

    I love you buddy.
    I... Do not really know how to respond to that without writing a wall of text. I mean it when I say you are important to me, and while it is the internet I do form attachment and "bonds" with people I consider important to me, regardless where it is from. To give a little answer to what Waffle said, I do not at all find it "bad" that I prefer forming friends online, I quite like it.

    I try to be accepting, yet it confounds me when people say I am sweet, when I am told I am cute, you get the idea. I do not try, and if I do it is blatantly obvious with things like "Pwhomise?" and so forth. I do not lie. Sure, everything I say is reflected through my eyes, but they aren't lies.

    ... The last paragraph, before "I love you, buddy" ...

    It means a lot to me, it really do.

    I love you, buddy happy


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Thu Oct 17, 2013 11:52 am

    ... I've been thinking for the last... Half a day, really. As mentioned before I've invested a lot, and perhaps it's just now I'm starting to realize that it may be too much. Too much things that really doesn't lay too much in my own element, things that I really can not handle.

    It's so easy to blame others for your problems, you know? Especially with the guise of anonymity, of secrecy and privacy. Yet when you toss that aside you're still whoever you were when you disguised yourself.

    "Encore" is such a strange person, at least to people that doesn't know the real, broken and sad me, because that's what I do when not acting happy, being sad and depressed. I am not blaming anyone else, I have no reason to, I am just blaming me.

    Though, it is strange? It is after I've experienced suicidal threats, love triangles, unjust hatred and needless arguments that I realize that maybe I need a break. Of course I could not leave a forum, like so many has attempted to, after all Dark Souls 2 is coming up!

    I'm getting tired, depressed and just... Mindlessly going through my days, lately.

    School-Study at home-Other mindless stuff-Internet talk-Sleep-Repeat

    This morning, I woke up in a quite normal way, I thought it was 03:00 AM, but it wasn't so I wasn't able to fall asleep again, but that isn't too bad, it's soon weekend. Heh, as I said, I'm not leaving the forum, and...

    I don't know I lost my thread for a while, after all it's a thread about thoughts? I think I am getting to a point eventually, and even if I'm not I'll just end up posting it anyway and nothing bad can happen, except hate comments or people not taking me seriously, but I can handle that, I think.

    In any case, what point would taking a break from the forum do? I don't know, nothing really, there's other media that I use to communicate, so I'll probably take a break from that tool.

    This forum, other forums, Skype and so on. Perhaps I should focus on my writing for a few months, a few days, maybe just a week.

    In any case, I'll probably not go just yet, just wanting to put this out there now.

    Heh... Heh...

    Anyway... Byebye for a while, maybe 2 days, maybe a week or 4 months, it doesn't really matter, I have no plans.

    //Love "Encore", also known as Daniel

    Edit: Even an Encore must end until the next play...


    Last edited by Encore on Thu Oct 17, 2013 12:03 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Heh...)


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:44 pm

    Whatever is happening Daniel, know that you'll be welcomed here.

    Just don't be involving me in any love triangles, k? silly 

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Bontee on Thu Oct 17, 2013 6:14 pm

    Cat, I wish I could have spoken to you before you left, though I fear now it's too late... if you do come back or read this, know I'm there whenever you need me, as are others (You know who you are happy) who you are close to, with whom you may wish to speak.

    I... I'll keep checking back, though. I'll be there when you return, barring some horrible accident or something... (I'm paranoid... :| ) I'm still going to be your friend when you return, no worries there.

    I hope everything goes well for you, man. Just keep moving forward, focus on the good, not the bad. Regardless what happens, your friends here are behind you all the way.

    P.S. You still owe me a goodbye, so this can't be it forever.
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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Soul of Stray Demon on Thu Oct 17, 2013 6:48 pm

    Don't worry, Bontee, I'm gonna make sure he keeps tabs with me every day. At the very least to pop in and say, I'm fine, then leave.


    I'm not gonna let Kitten just disappear, I don't want him to get depressed, and not be able to turn to anyone...  I care for him, and I won't stand for something bad to happen to him.


    If anything happens, I'll be there.

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing on Thu Oct 17, 2013 7:05 pm

    Take care Encore.



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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:07 pm

    So, I've reflected a little, or quite a lot, about so many things. Mostly it's been more about the internet, school, relationships and my friends.

    Heh, when I write these walls of text I don't have anything planned, I just write when I feel, how I feel. I really did stay away from the forum, y'know, at least to some degree, and I'll probably keep doing it, but at least I'm going to try to be at least in the chat.

    Let's start with sharing a little about my school? I go to a school called "Kunskapsgymnasiet i Västerås", and a literal translation would be "Gymnasium of Knowledge in Västerås". There, I study psychology, Sociology, Swedish, English, German, basic math, religion and history. I will in my second of the third year there focus on behavioral science and psychology, even study leadership, and in the end even more focus. I'll also choose to do philosophy for ... **** 'n giggles, I suppose.

    Something interesting is that the boy to girl ration is like 1-3, so most of my friends are girls. The classes are amazing, but I am having... Trouble, real trouble, with Mathematics. I understand it, I really do, but I am not at all keeping up, practical work is so strange. I'd rather write a paper on psychology than sit 3 minutes with a math book, but I'm still going to do my best, or at least try.

    In any case, lately I've really felt depressed and I do not find the reason for it? Maybe it was what happened, the love triangle (I was not involved, mind you all, I was just entangled in the drama), the suicide threats and the my overly attaching personality just didn't mix well together.

    That plus family is still rough, and a lot is happening.

    I'm back to stay, and I will try to contribute my best. This.. Well, one and half day offline kinda helped thinking.



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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Yarxov on Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:58 am

    Encore I dont know you but reading the OP and that last message makes me want to. And I'm the person that actively avoids the gross majority of people, (except one person who can best be described as my Otonashi [Since I associate with Naoi])
    This reply can be seen as my soul sign, summon me if youd like, Im a great listener and like helping, but also like just having a friend too. ^.^


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:06 pm

    Well, that's really sweet. happy I would love to get to know you, as well.

    Feel free to ask me anything, I'm an open book, other than that we should talk in chat sometime, or perhaps PM ^^


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:11 pm

    Encore wrote:Feel free to ask me anything, I'm an open book
    Can I ship you with Soris?

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing on Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:14 pm

    !? Eh? Huh? Why me?


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:48 pm

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:
    Encore wrote:Feel free to ask me anything, I'm an open book
    Can I ship you with Soris?
    Ship? i can not answer because I do not know the term...

    Uhm? Yes?

    Hmm, maybe it... Oh no...

    Uhm... Sure?

    Tell me what it means first.


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Yarxov on Wed Oct 23, 2013 4:09 pm

    Shipping is a made up relationship. Like shipping Lautrec with the Firelink Keeper. Or Gwyndolin with Gwyn. Usually in a fictional universe but real life too. OTP is One True Pairing where the people are meant to be together.
    If you've seen FMA then Hawkeye and Mustang are shipped a lot.


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Wed Oct 23, 2013 4:33 pm

    Soris and me? ... ... ...

    Thanks for clarifying, Yarxov, I appreciate it.

    Heh... Soris and me...


    ... Heh...


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Soul of Stray Demon on Wed Oct 23, 2013 4:54 pm

    Hey hey... NOOOO.


    Look at my location.. and tell me who I'm with..

    Encore is mine to beat and torture and love and hate and ... and kick and hug and dance with..

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Yarxov on Wed Oct 23, 2013 5:10 pm

    My location is still unknown even to me. So I am what they call, Forever alone. (Or hollow)


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing on Wed Oct 23, 2013 6:05 pm

    Encore wrote:Soris and me? ... ... ...

    Thanks for clarifying, Yarxov, I appreciate it.

    Heh... Soris and me...


    ... Heh...
    Heh.....maybe in an alternate world where I was girl and 17 again. Haha... Still nope. Fandoms sheesh.


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Thu Oct 24, 2013 3:06 pm

    I... I feel lost. I don't know what to do.

    I really don't. My whole world is falling apart. My parents are starting to fight more again. I'm losing everyone I value, real life and online.

    It's all coming down.

    I don't know what is happening, I have no *** idea.

    The person there is doing that, the person there is going to do this. I have no plans anymore, I have nothing else to do.

    ... So I am going to do something I never thought I would do, tell everything. I will not say any names, I will not do in any perticular order, I'll just to it all here. Everyone to see, everyone to hear... Everyone to judge, everyone to berate me, because f*ck life I deserve it, *** everything. I don't care anymore.

    When I joined this forum I was in ninth grade, I was... 15 at the time, only little more than half a year has passed, I think.

    Out of this time only half has been jolly, happy. The rest has been hell, sadness, despair.

    I found friendship in a few people here, I don't need to tell names I am sure everyone knows and those who do will... Probably figure it out, maybe they'll not

    I started a roleplaying group, and it was fun, it was really nice and it brought me and the people I knew closer than I could've imagine would happen online, I still can barely believe it, I mean to me having someone I could share my life with was f*cking amazing! All my real life friends has been awful, I hate my god damned parents and the teachers in my school would probably just shrug it off as if it meant nothing, as if I lied, as if I was crazy!

    I've been called crazy before, I've done some strange stuff, too. I had rage issues my whole life, nowadays I don't but I wish it was like.

    When the roleplaying group migrated to Chatango, sh*t started to turn irritating. Some people started to lie, abandon, being insulting. I am not going to exclude myself, never. The reason I had behind being nosy, spending hours writing messages that in the end would be discarded.

    Those "messages" I always treated like letters, like something I would put my heart into, something I didn't care how I sounded, I just hoped my feeling were transmitted. Some where walls of text, the sadder ones were, most of the time.

    Well, some of my friends left me, some of my friends lied, but the ones I value the most stayed by my side and helped me through everything.

    I had to burn bridges, I had to cut ties, I myself had to move on. I couldn't move on, some of the stuff that was said tore me and still causes me anger. F*cking lies, lies and LIES!

    In any case, I've moved past those who lied to me, I've moved past those that hurt me.

    But in a way it all it just made things work out the worst possible way.

    My situation now is that I'm close to losing a friend I value greatly, more than most people offline. I've shared a lot of my life with him, and in return I've always been open to talk whenever he needed it. It's been strange, it's been hard and rough. Losing friends is awful, and I wouldn't want to lose someone I consider so important.

    It pains me greatly, it really does. I've tried my best to not lose anything, I'm too attached to do it, and I couldn't handle having to worry about someone and now being able to talk to them, text or whatever, to know how they are and to know that... At least they're safe.

    To some of you, I understand that the following will sound silly, and I agree to some it may very well be incredibly silly... But I've cried for some people and I would gladly risk my life for them, and I would without a doubt cry for them.

    Heh, some of you may have noticed, but Soul of Stray Demon is talking very affectionately of me, and it is because long distance dating. I'm telling it now, because she would probably tell anyway. That may be stupid, I am sure. And for everyone that find it stupid I'll say: I don't f*cking care, it doesn't matter.

    And why would it? I mean, I am not doing sh*t that will hurt me... I thought, I suppose. Love is strong sh*t, and maybe it turns out it isn't real? I can not attest for that but I am sure I would be able to handle it, I've told myself that and I hope it is true. In case it doesn't work out I'll be able to move on, I would force myself to.

    And if it works out then... Well, jolly good, right?

    Be critical, be hateful, be joking, be skeptical and call it idiotic, I don't care whatsoever, it doesn't matter to me and I have nothing to lose.

    ... I don't want to lose people, friend in real life or not. I don't want people to be sad, I don't want people to have to cry over me.

    If I hadn't joined this forum nothing would've happened, no one would have to cry about anyone and... No one would have to be sad because of me, because of what happened.

    ... That love stuff? Online dating? It's hypocritical of me to think so, because I condemned it before, especially since some people abandoned me because of it. I've been trying to not turn away from friends. I don't want to, I don't want to lose anyone, I don't want to cut ties because love.

    ...

    To everyone that was involved in everything I've caused, I am sorry. I am deeply sorry.

    I tried my best, I tried to not make anyone sad.

    And I made it all worse.

    I'll stay everyone's friend until the end. My friends may hate each other, my friends may think I am strange, they don't even need to like each other... I will stay their friend.

    If they force me to make a choice, whether they say "Choose" or imply it... I don't want to... I don't know how I would do it. I can not.

    Unless the choice is obvious.

    I'm sorry, sometimes I do not understand what I may be required to understand. But I will listen, and try my best. I will always hear someone I value out, I will always be happy to talk.

    If I can not comfort, I will at least listen and try my best.

    I will always try my best.


    //Encore



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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Thu Oct 24, 2013 3:26 pm

    I'm not going to give advice as I don't think I should get involved. But I'm letting you know that I read through it all and that I genuinely care.

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Soul of Stray Demon on Thu Oct 24, 2013 4:01 pm

    You know Encore, even if our love isn't real, I don't think that would break us up as friends. I truly do think you are a wonderful person, and that's why I fell in love with you in the first place. So even if, even if it's fake (which I don't believe so), my opinion of you won't change, and I would still enjoy being able to talk to you.

    Bad stuff happens in everybody's life, and the important part is to work through that. I value my friends extremely highly, and if I ever stop, then I wouldn't waste my time pretending like I did.

    I do love you quite a bit, for being the wonderful you, that you happen to be. And I will always remember the time we had together, no matter how the future turns out, these past experiences, happy and sad, can not change.

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by WaffleGuy on Thu Oct 24, 2013 4:18 pm

    Hey man,

    just wanted to say a few things.
    It's okay to be confused. Lots of things happened in your life, and I told you before it surprises me you turned out as well as you have now.

    Life is trial and error all around. No one should be able to dictate your life for you. sh*t happens, and everyone makes mistakes. Don't fret over it. That's why we learn from what we do.
    You just need to sit back, reflect on what happened and move on. Sometimes just leave it all behind. You're not to blame for the things you think you did. At all.
    Sometimes you might think a little too much about what could've been. But it's not necessary.
    It could've been better, sure. But then also try to think of what could've been worse. You're too kind for others and too harsh on yourself.

    The important thing is that you do whatever you think you need to do.
    And it's okay if you don't know that for certain yet.
    And it's also okay if it takes one second to know, or a few years from now.

    Spoiler:
    P.S.: The meatballs in Ikea are amazing.


    (Don't buy them from the shop though.)


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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by Encore on Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:52 am

    God damned the batshit crazy morning I had. So, I fell asleep at 22:00-22-15, and woke up like 03:00, and that's in itself is strange because I didn't fall asleep against after that.

    In any case I was awake and doing stuff until 08:00, in which I went to sleep for about an hour until we left for my mother's work, since I work there part time (Even that is a very loose usage of the term, I work one day a week and I am faaaaaaaaaaaaar underpayed) So to continue I was awaken by mom and we went on our way there.

    In the car, she was just batshit crazy. First, she started to scold me about... I have no *** clue.

    Paraphrasing of part of our conversation:

    Red for my mother, blue for me.

    "When costumers are in sit with back straight and give them a smile!"

    "But I already do that... You said so yourself..."

    "Yes I did... So instead you should minimalize private business during workhours"


    "Alright, that is a valid complaint, I will work to better myself in that regard"

    "Damn straight you are!"

    And before that she just screamed that I was disrespectful (Screaming her lunges out, I sat relatively calm, not that I wasn't annoyed or frustrated, but nevertheless it was just... Heh... She then returned to scream about the same thing again...

    "You're disrespectful! LISTEN TO ME!"

    "But I've been sitting calm the whole trip!"

    "YOU HAVE NOT BEEN CALM, I'VE BEEN CALM AND YOU'VE BEEN AGITATING ME THE WHOLE DAY SINCE WE WOKE UP, DID YOU WASH YOUR HAIR?"

    "Uhm... Yes, can you not see?"

    "I can, but you were asleep so you should've done it then"

    "When I was asleep?"

    And then when I was at the store I was tasked (This is before my workhours, essentially my free time) with carrying stuff, and placing it in another bookcase

    "It doesn't fit there in there."

    "Just try until it fits!"

    And I was right...

    Then, my final task before work was to buy food for the day, and it went like this:

    "What do you want me yo buy then?"

    "Vegetable soup."

    "Alright, but I'll not have that"

    "WE can not eat luxury food every day, we work here and we can only eat that here so you will have to eat that"

    "I never said we would have luxury food, I just said I wouldn't have soup"

    "Just buy a sandwich then"

    I got the money and this happened:

    "To confirm, what did you want me to buy?"

    "Vegetable soup, blueberry juice and a sandwich"

    "So... It's good that I asked for confirmation because you actually did add something?"

    And that stunned her! winking

    ...
    ...

    Heh, I left out a lot of the insanity. Like when she just screamed that I were fighting when I was talking calmly, and she just screamed that I was fighting and nothing more.

    ... It's insane...


    _________________
    It is all like the repeating drip of thickening oil...

    Song of Myself
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    WhatDoesThePendantDo?
    Duke's Archivist
    Duke's Archivist

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    Re: My thoughts

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Fri Nov 01, 2013 3:41 pm

    lol. Good story, made me laugh. star 


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    Re: My thoughts

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