For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

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    For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:46 am

    That's right all you hypochondriacs. For the next twelve hours you can cross your fingers and hope to god that all that ails thee might maybe be cured by someone who thinks he might hopefully be half as smart as he thinks he might be if he was even as smart as it's possible that someone with his level of brain injuryitis could think about being. Got that?

    Spill the beans, and prepare to be cured!

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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by Serious_Much on Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:48 am

    Lol


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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:50 am

    Serious_Much wrote:Lol
    For the laughing sickness I can make a house call for you, but you need to have on hand a preheated iron, a standard hammer, a phonebook, and a 12oz bottle of Tabasco sauce.


    You're not squeamish, are you?

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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by Serious_Much on Mon Sep 02, 2013 6:01 am

    No I'm not squeamish. What did you have in mind?


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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Mon Sep 02, 2013 2:39 pm

    I can't disclose the full nature of the cure for copyright reasons, but for those suffering from uncontrollable laughing out loud attacks I employ a special technique, an ancient one coming from China, called the Surprise-Panic-Pain-Trauma-Submission-Relaxation Induction treatment.
    In your case, your LOL syndrome seems to be closer to the mild-moderate spectrum, so we can skip the fireball treatment and the inverted oil plunge apparatus. That will cut down on your insurance premiums a bit.

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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by Reaperfan on Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:32 pm

    Every morning I wake up feeling a little nauseous. Some days worse than others, ranging from "burp a few times and I feel better" to "spend 20 minutes hacking up stuff from my throat eventually resulting in vomiting." Though the latter situation is rare and so never bothered me too much (though it has made me have to call in from work a couple times), it's been pretty much consistently present for at least a few years now. When I've tried to figure out what causes it with a little experimentation, it doesn't seem to be linked to anything I do, with eating habits the night before, my sleep schedule, or anything else having any noticeable effect on my condition in the mornings. What gives?


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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Mon Sep 02, 2013 6:00 pm

    This is a very common problem with a few simple solutions.

    1. Stop eating dairy

    2. Go to sleep by 9pm at the latest

    3. don't eat past 5pm

    4. no alcohol, tobacco, and stop snorting crack all the time too

    5. spend more time of the day moving than sitting

    6. give away all your material possessions and move into the woods armed with only a pocket knife and a lucky penny

    7. stop wearing underwear

    8. stop thinking about how bad you feel when you feel bad

    9. if you are breastfeeding stop it

    10. limit your masturbation to one three minute session without visual aids per day


    Some of these cures may be more applicable than others.

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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by Reaperfan on Mon Sep 02, 2013 6:05 pm

    BIG TIME MASTER wrote:-snip-
    I think #5 would actually be more difficult than #6...


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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by GrinTwist on Mon Sep 02, 2013 7:09 pm

    Sometimes I forget where I am or who I am, is there anyway to fix this doctor Big Time?


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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Mon Sep 02, 2013 7:35 pm

    GrinTwist wrote:Sometimes I forget where I am or who I am, is there anyway to fix this doctor Big Time?
    Change the light in which you see this "problem". Ask yourself, is this really a problem? Or is living moment to moment, like a wild dog, unaware of the self and fully aware of all the joy in living in every breath really the most fulfilling way to exist?

    If that doesn't work I prescribe the following treatment- Procure a small spiral bound notepad, a pencil, and a rubber mallet. Upon the first page write the following, "Todays date ______, At the inscribed moment in time, I ______, had a momentary lapse in self awareness."

    Every time you suddenly realize that you have been drifting into another dimension, you will first write this sentence with the appropriate date/time and name and then smack yourself firmly upon either the knee, nose, or back of the head with the mallet.

    Hope this helps.

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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by GrinTwist on Mon Sep 02, 2013 7:38 pm

    Thank you doctor. Proper Bow 

    I'll start buying everything I need tomorrow, hopefully I don't forget where I am when I'm shopping.


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    Re: For the next 12 hours the Doctor isin the house

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Mon Sep 02, 2013 7:41 pm

    I suggest enlisting a trustworthy friend to substitute for the rubber mallet in the meantime.


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