Short film: Hero

    Share
    avatar
    ResIsBestStat
    Hollowed
    Hollowed

    Posts : 1863
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2013-03-25
    Age : 19
    Location : I'm homeless

    Short film: Hero

    Post by ResIsBestStat on Sat Jun 01, 2013 6:27 pm

    Hello guys, I'm here to ask you an important matter today, so please read all of this ****.
    Today I finally decided to fulfill one of my dreams: make a short film. I will film it during summer and put it on youtube for everyone's pleasure, I already wrote the script and have all the actors ready, however I'm asking you to review it and suggest me things.
    Here's the plot:
    Mahe is a young srilankan man who lives a mediocre life, Sri Lanka is now in his opinion a "****" since many people are racist with each other and local gang wars ensue. His only friend was a young man like him, but after he discovered that his best friend's father was a gang lord, his friendship was never the same. Every single day, Mahe's mother and father are tormented by the gang lord's men who ask for money in exchange of "protection". One day while Mahe searches through the internet and suddenly finds something called a "superhero", he searches more about these things and is introduced to the world of comics and movies about them. Mahe quickly thinks that he can do the same thing and makes a costume made of cloaks and bike helmets, he also builds homemade weapons like pepper sprays and camera tasers. When the gangsters return again to extort money from Mahe's parents, he surprises them both and tasers them. After hearing the news, the gang lord sends more gangsters to teach Mahe's parents a lesson. Mahe sees multiple men armed with weapons approach and decides to take them out before they can harm his parents, he is however shot after trying. The gang lord comes personally to see this "hero" and unmasks him, he then procedes to torture and humiliate him before throwing him in a river. Mahe survives, but barely. He however sees his parents getting tortured and the rage fuels him, he steals a gun from a drunk gangster and adds a homemade bottle silencer, he then kills every gangster and strangles the gang lord, killing him.
    The following day, Mahe's parents still didn't find out about him being the masked man, he then throws his costume and weapon, saying that being a super hero is not worth it.
    A week later, Mahe reads through the local news and finds out that multiple vigilantes inspired by him decided to fight the mobsters of the city, after seeing how much a small person could do, Mahe returns to the place where he threw his costume and puts it back on, the film ends.

    So what did you think of the plot? Give it something between 0 and 10!
    avatar
    skarekrow13
    Chat Moderator

    Posts : 10236
    Reputation : 410
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Location : Ralph Wilson Stadium

    Re: Short film: Hero

    Post by skarekrow13 on Sat Jun 01, 2013 6:55 pm

    I won't rate it exactly but a couple suggestions if I may. Overall not bad at all. The dialogue etc is what will decide how well it turns out.

    Superheroes or similar concepts are such a pervasive part of the human experience it's hard to imagine a young man who is intelligent and creative enough to make a bottle silencer would have to stumble across the idea on the internet. Plus, he has the internet. I think the catalyst should be more natural. Like he gets angry, punches a wall and a comic he owns falls on the floor from a shelf or something. It gives the "a ha" moment I think you want and doesn't imply he's been living under a rock.

    Just a note on your finale, you'll want that pretty developed if you haven't already. You mention the bottle silencer specifically but that's far less imaginative than the tasers he's already credited with and also far less effective. You say he's going to kill every gangster. That silencer gets him maybe (but probably not) one stealth shot. Then it's just a gunfight after that. If you're trying to show how his dream of a hero went from the ideal to the reality that works but if he's still trying to be a hero it might fall flat.

    Again, you have a great synopsis so run with it

    avatar
    ResIsBestStat
    Hollowed
    Hollowed

    Posts : 1863
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2013-03-25
    Age : 19
    Location : I'm homeless

    Re: Short film: Hero

    Post by ResIsBestStat on Sat Jun 01, 2013 7:18 pm

    skarekrow13 wrote:I won't rate it exactly but a couple suggestions if I may. Overall not bad at all. The dialogue etc is what will decide how well it turns out.

    Superheroes or similar concepts are such a pervasive part of the human experience it's hard to imagine a young man who is intelligent and creative enough to make a bottle silencer would have to stumble across the idea on the internet. Plus, he has the internet. I think the catalyst should be more natural. Like he gets angry, punches a wall and a comic he owns falls on the floor from a shelf or something. It gives the "a ha" moment I think you want and doesn't imply he's been living under a rock.

    Just a note on your finale, you'll want that pretty developed if you haven't already. You mention the bottle silencer specifically but that's far less imaginative than the tasers he's already credited with and also far less effective. You say he's going to kill every gangster. That silencer gets him maybe (but probably not) one stealth shot. Then it's just a gunfight after that. If you're trying to show how his dream of a hero went from the ideal to the reality that works but if he's still trying to be a hero it might fall flat.

    Again, you have a great synopsis so run with it

    Thanks for the criticsm, I agree that the finale is a bit unrealistic, the bottle part could be changed a bit, but I don't have any ideas at the moment, also the ending is ment to be open-ended since I won't be making a sequel to this short film. Thanks skare! U iz true super sand!
    avatar
    skarekrow13
    Chat Moderator

    Posts : 10236
    Reputation : 410
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Location : Ralph Wilson Stadium

    Re: Short film: Hero

    Post by skarekrow13 on Sat Jun 01, 2013 7:31 pm

    Just remember to put me in the credits :razz:

    avatar
    GrinTwist
    Chosen Undead
    Chosen Undead

    Posts : 4185
    Reputation : 98
    Join date : 2012-07-22
    Location : New Londo Ruins, Illinois: Living in Tart's torture chamber

    Re: Short film: Hero

    Post by GrinTwist on Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:22 pm

    So in a way it's like Batman because he is a regular man inspired by the violence in his city. However, he can't control his anger and goes around killing everyone without remorse?

    I could see it as a film were the hero originally has morals but the torture of his parents, loses his mind and abandons them. I would also make sure people understand the pain he went through and how he abandons his morals altogether in order for revenge, that none of the heroes that inspired him would do. Something of a tragedy of the superhero, because he ultimately abandons what he idolized for revenge.

    Oh well, I shouldn't shape this into my story, its yours anyway. I would at least suggest some dark elements in it, possibly by looking at the original and new Batman movies. It seems like a movie that is based around anger, so it might be fast paced during fights but when not in fights it shows how bitter the character is becoming in contrast to his old less bitter self.

    It's still up to you though, that's just the way I would go about it personally.

    Also, it sounds like a movie that I would watch.


    Last edited by GrinTwist on Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:28 pm; edited 1 time in total


    _________________
    Boring life? Join a cult.
    avatar
    ResIsBestStat
    Hollowed
    Hollowed

    Posts : 1863
    Reputation : 6
    Join date : 2013-03-25
    Age : 19
    Location : I'm homeless

    Re: Short film: Hero

    Post by ResIsBestStat on Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:27 pm

    GrinTwist wrote:So in a way it's like Batman because he is a regular man inspired by the violence in his city. However, he can't control his anger and goes around killing everyone without remorse?

    I could see it as a film were the hero originally has morals but the torture of his parents, loses his mind and abandons them. I would also make sure people understand the pain he went through and how he abandons his morals altogether in order for revenge, that none of the heroes that inspired him would do. Something of a tragedy of the superhero, because he ultimately abandons what he idolized for revenge.

    Oh well, I shouldn't shape this into my story, its yours anyway. I would at least suggest some dark elements in it, possibly by looking at the original and new Batman movies. It seems like a movie that is based around anger, so it might be fast paced during slow moments but when not in anger shot in a way that makes sure you can understand the bitterness and rage within the character.

    It's still up to you though, that's just the way I would go about it personally.

    Also, it sounds like a movie that I would watch.

    The old movies of Batman are too child-friendly :/
    Anyways the movie is mainly about a boy who thinks he can change his life by donning a simple mask, but later discovers that it takes more than that and abandons that decision, however a while later the newfound support of people following his steps urges him to become the hero again. The revenge is basically just a reaction of his, he knows about Batman and other superheroes and admires them, but after seeing such a cruel torture, he goes batshit and tries not only to get revenge, but also to atone for his sins, it's his fault if the gangsters came in the first place to beat his parents up after all.
    avatar
    LunarFog
    Hollowed
    Hollowed

    Posts : 1856
    Reputation : 109
    Join date : 2012-12-05
    Age : 22
    Location : Darkroot Basin

    Re: Short film: Hero

    Post by LunarFog on Sat Jun 01, 2013 10:36 pm

    Not bad, although strangling the ganglord makes the hero seem kinda...you know...not heroic. I don't see how he could do all of that stuff with killing all the gang members if he was just shot/tortured(unless it's days or weeks later).

    Some problems with it being unrealistic(but then it's a movie so you can make that work). You can change the hero from being shot to being beaten. And then killing the whole gang is a lil unbelievable so you can change it so that he only kills the gang lord and a couple otohers and the rest decide it jut isn't worth it.

    You might want to make the friend's father being the gang lord more significant. Seems almost a lil out of place or not needed.

    I love the message at the end though.


    Sponsored content

    Re: Short film: Hero

    Post by Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Tue Dec 12, 2017 4:54 pm