Advice me!.

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    Advice me!.

    Post by Encore on Fri May 24, 2013 6:18 pm

    I need some advice.

    I have a girl in School, I want to keep her name anonymous, and she goes out with an A***** of a boyfriend, she has been for a while now.

    The boyfriend is manipulative, keeps hitting on minors (sick right?!). He basically brags on about how many he can score with and so on. The problem is that she keeps up with it, and in turn is miserable. We always show support, but she keeps comming back to him, even when he´s called her some of the worst things, cheated on her and so forth.

    The problem is that she keeps comming to be and my friends for support, and we do not know any way to get her to listen.

    I am bringing this up because today in home economic class she began to cry while cooking, and I thought about what i could do to help her.

    I am in no way attracted to her, but i feel bad whenever someone else does. The age of them are: The girl, 15. The boyfriend: 16.

    Due to resent events here on the forum, I would like to be informed if this topic is inapproriate, and will in case of that remove. I love this community and would in no way want to be banned or suspended due to an action I don´t understand.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Serious_Much on Fri May 24, 2013 6:20 pm

    Well it's an unfortunate truth, and a couple of my friends have gone this way:

    Teenage girls love guys who treat them like ****

    The fact is, they love the drama, the love thinking they can change them, love the whole bad boy thing... Then they go just get hurt by these guys. It's just a fact of life for people your age.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Encore on Fri May 24, 2013 6:22 pm

    I think that´s not the case... She´s been r**ed by him, forced into having sex while menstuating. She threatend with sucide and self harm just this morning. And she cut herself on the wrist half a year ago, and burned her. She looks like a wreck.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Serious_Much on Fri May 24, 2013 6:25 pm

    Yeah well i think those details were necessary to differentiate from the norm..

    To be honest if she's putting up with it still she's either afraid of him, or cares too much about him to break up.. I dunno which though since i don't know her


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Encore on Fri May 24, 2013 6:27 pm

    She told me, and I more or less cut it down to the core massage, that she is afraid.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by twigsterxd on Fri May 24, 2013 8:13 pm

    I knew a girl around the same age with a bullying boyfriend so I know where you comin' from. If she is too scared to talk to her parents, do wut I did. Go to her place, sit her parents down and let her tell them knowing you got her back. She may have a hard time telling them but if she is in fear of her life, you may be her only comfort.
    Also, it sounds like she is being raped. Since she is under 18, she doesn't need to press charges if she's that scared. Her parents do not need her permission to charge the creep and they will once they find out. Being her support and not knowing how the parents will react is gonna be hard for you. DO NOT argue with the parents, stay calm, if she gets mad and leaves the room, do not follow her. Help the parents to understand wut their daughter is going thru and offer to help. Get the police involved and tell the parents to get a restraint against him.
    If you care about this girl, (even as a friend), be a friend and help her by doin' the right thing.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Slarg232 on Fri May 24, 2013 8:19 pm

    I personally have no real experience with this ( a friend of mine was in a similar situation, but that was before I met her), but I think the Offspring is right here.

    Ya gotta keep em separated.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Encore on Fri May 24, 2013 9:07 pm

    I think her parents know, just not to what extent.



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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by GrinTwist on Sat May 25, 2013 12:00 am

    Tehdoomgrasp wrote:I think that´s not the case... She´s been r**ed by him, forced into having sex while menstuating. She threatend with sucide and self harm just this morning. And she cut herself on the wrist half a year ago, and burned her. She looks like a wreck.

    If it comes to self-harm I would recommend you convince her to see a therapist. What was the exact reason for the threat? For attention or another purpose?

    On most occasions, time itself will take a toll on the relationship but if it doesn't you need to be there for her as a friend. If it's just to listen to her talk about what she's been through than do that but if she asks for advice give your opinion in a polite way and don't be harsh about it because she may take it the wrong way which might make her feel more alienated.

    The relationship itself is not healthy at all for her on any level either. Since it also seems to be hurting her physically I would advise looking for any scars that might not be hidden well under her clothing, sometimes a self-mutilator might slip up and forget to cover up their legs or their arms.

    One more thing, if it comes to her cutting or talking about suicide as an option report that to her parents or the school. Self-harm should never come from a relationship and if it does, she might have developed a mental issue of some sort if she doesn't have one already.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Encore on Sat May 25, 2013 6:44 pm

    The reason for the threat? I honestly do not know... Her mind is an enigma to me and everybody else. . I am not a person with the ability to muster the power to talk to her parents, nor the school, I just want to support her as a friend with all my might.

    Most of her friend do usually talk to her in an harsh and bad way, and that is not the answer. Being dismissive of a problem is as bad as ignoring it, if not worse.

    Currently, she is not harming herself, that she told me, but seeing a friend breaking down is never good.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat May 25, 2013 7:51 pm

    I would report him, but it may prove difficult to completely separate them if the relationship is as it is. The way you describe it, this girl seems to be suffering with this boy on a daily basis so it would seem that they are part of each other's life routine. When things become as pervasive as this it can be hard to shake.

    Cutting them off completely from one another is the best, sure-fire way to end this issue. However, that is easier said than done.

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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by KrazykevS10 on Sat May 25, 2013 8:15 pm

    Personally,I'd beat the living **** out of the f*ck.I realise that may not be an option for you so I'd second getting her parents involved.If they refuse to act,the cops will.Nobody should have to deal with that kind of abuse.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Animaaal on Sat May 25, 2013 8:35 pm

    twigsterxd wrote:I knew a girl around the same age with a bullying boyfriend so I know where you comin' from. If she is too scared to talk to her parents, do wut I did. Go to her place, sit her parents down and let her tell them knowing you got her back. She may have a hard time telling them but if she is in fear of her life, you may be her only comfort.
    Also, it sounds like she is being raped. Since she is under 18, she doesn't need to press charges if she's that scared. Her parents do not need her permission to charge the creep and they will once they find out. Being her support and not knowing how the parents will react is gonna be hard for you. DO NOT argue with the parents, stay calm, if she gets mad and leaves the room, do not follow her. Help the parents to understand wut their daughter is going thru and offer to help. Get the police involved and tell the parents to get a restraint against him.
    If you care about this girl, (even as a friend), be a friend and help her by doin' the right thing.

    This is EXCELLENT advice. It deserves +10 rep.

    Seriously, do this.
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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by twigsterxd on Sat May 25, 2013 9:02 pm

    This is EXCELLENT advice. It deserves +10 rep. Thx Animaaal happy

    Another thing you could try if talking directly to her parents is hard for you, talk to your own parents, tell them you know this girl from school etc. If your parents are understanding, they may help you by giving you advice. The difference between you and me is, the girls parents are my friends. So it was easier for me. You never know, your parents may surprise you. It sounds like a cry for help and this girl doesn't know wut to do. Talk to your parents bud and ask them wut they would do in this situation.
    In Canada we have kids help phone. Where ever you from there has to be a hotline for kids. Try talking her into calling them. It may help her alot.


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Encore on Sat May 25, 2013 9:21 pm

    I´ve told my parents... To be honest... Their reaction was far from pleasing, acting as if it is nothing to get themselves involved in.

    I do appreciate the advice. It was really needed. I might not be able to do more than be an emotional support for her though.

    To be honest, this situation is really ****d up for me. I´ve been trying for a while now to tell her what´s a good thing to do. I have a hard time with new interactions with people... And I mean hard time, I might need two weeks preparation to go go shopping for clothes.

    From what I know, in school there is only two people that seriously care about her plight, my friend and I. Other people are now fed up with her. I too was for a while, until I really spoke to her and understood her situation.

    I´ve distanced myself from her for different reasons some 2 and a half years ago, and it´s these latest weeks i´ve been trying to support her as much as i can.

    Most of me is saying "Tell someone and be done with", but in my core I want to help her. What I can do? I do not think much.

    I really appreciate all the advice i got, but i think that it was useless for me to ask for it. Not because the advice itself was bad, far from it, but because me as a person is not good enough to fulfill them


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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Animaaal on Sat May 25, 2013 9:30 pm

    A friend of mine had a drinking problem. I held an intervention. He needed it.

    Sometimes being a friend is doing something to piss them off. However, it also means being there for them while they hate you.

    It's just what friends do. Doing nothing is not going to help your friend. I am in no way saying you are obligated, but I think the "right" thing to do is pretty obvious.
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    Re: Advice me!.

    Post by Encore on Sun May 26, 2013 8:34 am

    I will always be there for her as a friend, What I meant is that I as a person is unable to talk to her parents. The crazy thing is, I believe her parents know, because she´s told them and the school, I mean either she did not tell them enough or just straight up lied, as she has a tendency to do that. I am planning to talk to school sometime next week though, perhaps talk more seriously with my parents.


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