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    The "let it out" thread.

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    Post by skarekrow13 Thu Aug 08, 2013 3:05 pm

    The beginning. If it's not chronological then it's the first thing you think is important. The rest will come.
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    Post by bunnywink Thu Aug 08, 2013 4:28 pm

    I agree with Skare, just start at the beginning and the rest will come to you.

    May I ask you a question though? You said that you try your hardest to be social and get to know someone, but they always turn you down. Are you making your intentions clear from the beginning?
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    Post by PlasticandRage Thu Aug 08, 2013 4:41 pm

    I've found that it usually happens for me when I'm not trying. That might just be me though. Just take good care of yourself, groom yourself well, be yourself, and try to learn to comfortable with what that exactly entails and confidence will follow, and then put yourself out there. It'll happen when it happens. Nobody is alone forever unless they're trying to be, or there's something overtly wrong, like you have an extra arm growing out of your chest or something. Some girls would probably be into guys with extra arms growing out of their chests anyway though.

    I didn't get much attention through most of high school, and I was starting to feel the same way until I was around maybe 20 and then suddenly I started getting attention seemingly for no apparent reason, as I didn't feel like I was really doing anything differently than I always had before that. I think in retrospect it was that I stopped caring, and started just being myself, and really being comfortable with myself, and who I was, and what my situation was instead. It's hard to not be self conscious in high school because everything is such a popularity contest and people are conceded, and have mob mentality, and nobody really knows what they want out of anybody else or themselves. Once you're done with all that it really stops mattering as much and you can just concentrate on being you. The rest comes when it comes.
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    Post by twilightwarwolf Thu Aug 08, 2013 4:53 pm

    So i've been gone for more than a month more or less and I see a lot of people are leaving.What is going? Did some big thing happen while I was gone?
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    Post by Reaperfan Thu Aug 08, 2013 5:05 pm

    twilightwarwolf wrote:So i've been gone for more than a month more or less and I see a lot of people are leaving.What is going? Did some big thing happen while I was gone?
    Usually when someone leaves it's because they have something bigger in their life they need to take care of (moving homes, starting a new job, going back to school, etc), and need to focus on that rather than being online.

    Other times it's simply because they've stopped playing Dark Souls, typically through having played it so much they've done everything they want to do and no longer have any drive to have fun with the game, though they also may just no longer have the time to invest in it like they want to. Without playing Dark Souls, there's not alot to say here without limiting yourself entirely to the off-topic section, so they feel they'll no longer contribute by sticking around.

    There's no bigger issue, just people's lives picking back up since it's nearing the end of summer break. When everyone gets back in swing, you'll see some if not most of those people coming back.
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    Post by MikailArksot Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:40 pm

    Reaperfan wrote:
    MikailArksot wrote:I'm sick of being unemployed and overweight. I'm doing something to help the latter, but the former is stalwart and won't budge. I've been applying to jobs, re-applying to jobs, going out to find jobs for the past two years and only recently, within the past 6 months, was I called in for an interview of a job I didn't get. There are just no jobs in my area and I've even looked an hour away from my area; still nothing.

    It really blows; I want a job so I can make money and help my brother out a little.
    I've heard that there's a self-perpetuating unemployment cycle that means the longer you go unemployed, the harder it is to find jobs because people reviewing your work history see that 2-year gap and assume "What have they been doing all that time?  This person must be lazy since they haven't worked in 2 years.  I don't want to hire a lazy person," regardless of what your reasons actually are.  Your unemployment becomes the reason you won't be hired.

    That said, what kind of jobs are you looking for?  If you're looking for something in a particular or specialized field you really want to pursue, you should probably take a break and apply for entry-level positions somewhere else first.  Sure, it means working retail or service somewhere for a while, but it breaks that cycle of unemployment.  Even better if you can land or work your way into a managerial position, since that gives you ammo at a better job interview besides "I was just working to get by while I looked for what I really wanted to do."
     I'm looking for retail, exactly; I want to be a cashier, a person doing stock, sales associate, anything. I've been trying those entry level positions and not ONE has hired me.
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    Post by Reaperfan Thu Aug 08, 2013 9:05 pm

    MikailArksot wrote:I'm looking for retail, exactly; I want to be a cashier, a person doing stock, sales associate, anything. I've been trying those entry level positions and not ONE has hired me.
    Well, the best advice I can give is to just apply anywhere that has a "Now Hiring" sign, regardless of if it's a place or they type of work you'd want or not.  I can't say it'll be surefire or anything, because even with this approach myself it took me 3-4 months of unemployed applying between the two jobs I've had.  But 3 months is better than 2 years.

    Also, another bit of advice I just thought of, if you really want to work at a particular place, call back in a week or so after you apply and ask the place wondering how long applications take to be processed.  Be sure to leave your name as well.  It gets you known beyond just being a name on the application, and shows any managers that you're actually interested in the place rather than just a person who's applying wherever (even if that's what you're actually doing winking).

    Lastly, look at weird places you wouldn't think to work.  You're talking to a lunch lady (who is 22 years old and a not a lady) because I stopped going for normal places who would just slap a "Now Hiring" sign out front and call it a day, and looked into service positions for schools.  I don't really know what other kinds of examples to give there though, since they nature of the thing means it's something you wouldn't normally consider.  Just think outside the box once in a while when thinking about where you'll apply.
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    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:47 pm

    I was miserable at my retail gig when I had it. Not to dissuade you or anything, but I'm letting you know. I felt soulless by the 3rd week.
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    Post by Forum Pirate Tue Aug 13, 2013 10:19 am

    In love with a lesbian.

    better, this is the second time this crap has happened to me.

    I cannot say anything, because it would be horribly unfair (to her) to do so, but neither can i distance myself without a proper explination, because that would also be horribly unfair (to her), but staying as is is horribly unfair (to me)

    fml
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    Post by Mr. Tart Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:09 pm

    I've repeated myself a thousand times now, but avoided it for quite some time. Recently however, I've been so very, very bored, with nothing to do, so I had to do this. But like most of my posts here, there will be a lot of things repeated.

    How do I start off? I spend my life between two walls. Behind them, there's life, and there's death. The walls themselves, are my fears. Life, and death.

    I've spent about 65% of my life in a depression, with all the friends I've ever had, except for one, backstabbing me.

    The school I went to before, through the last years, about 70% of the students there treated me like crap, calling me such things as emo, *** and mute(this being because I was shy through my 6th year when I had gotten a new class). The other 30% would ignore me and act as if nothing was going on, when they saw it all. In class, everyone would throw erasers at me. Sadly, I'm not sure if the teachers were just absurdly blind, or ignored it all, as it happened. Even the nice teachers would do nothing. At that point, I had two friends. One who had moved away, and another at the same school, but in a different class. He was part of the 30% that looked away when I was treated poorly.

    My bestfriend was my cat, who died at the age of 21, in what I believe was 2009. She had epilepsy. As she got older, she became more sensitive to sound(which was what caused the seizures). At one point, she hurt her right back-leg and bit her tongue. Shortly after, on a day I spent with my (ex)girlfriend, she had a seizure, and died from it right before me and my parents eyes, whilst my girlfriend was upstairs, as I told her to stay there. She had these seizures for what I believe to have been one to two hours. She then died in my mother's arms, although I begged my mother to hold her when she died.

    The only thing I wanted, was to hold my bestfriend in my arms as she died.

    Even today I miss her, cause even when I was younger, I was, at times, lonely. Say what you will, think what you will, but she always understood me, and she was always there for me when I was sad and alone.

    The last year of her life, she always followed me around, and I hated it. I found her to be annoying. I would push her to the side and close the door as to avoid her. I regret it to this day.

    When I was 7, which around the time my depression would begin to develope, my grandmother(on my father's side) died of cancer. She wanted to see me one last time, but I refused because I hated "the smell of poo". The very same night she died. "I regret it to this day."

    It was also at the age of 7 that I changed. Some people may consider this silly and claim that I'm exaggerating, but before that, I was always a violent kid. I would steal, break glasses, get into fights, all that kind of stuff. Sure, I was young, but still. Anyway, at one point, me and a friend of mine were bullying three brothers(a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a 2? year old). We were gonna beat them up, when suddenly I had a realization. I realized what I was doing, was wrong. From then on, it all changed. I lost all friends because I wasn't cool. Once again we were kids, so sure, whatever. But this had some effect on what would later happen. People would remember it, and it all got worse as time went on. Once again, feel free to say that I'm exaggerating or that I'm paranoid, but I'm certain of this.

    When I was 12(6th grade) I got a new class. I had gotten used to being lonely, and so, avoided everyone. The first time we had lunch together, I sat alone, when suddenly someone told me to sit with them, so I did. Suddenly I had friends again. This gave me hope.

    At the end of the 7th, and the start of the 8th grade they suddenly started talking behind my back. It didn't take long before they spread rumours. That's when it all began. When everyone started hating me. Even the people I had never talked to. Suddenly I had become a monster in everyone's eyes. I was the guy that did "this" and "that", and yet, I helped my past friends that had betrayed me with things in class, such, as for example, english. I would spend the breaks and even the classes out in the corridor, by the lockers. I would sit there, on the floor, by myself, hearing how everyone mentioned my name as they walked by. How they would laugh and giggle. I skipped lunch to walk home, as I lived nearby. I would sit in school, with my head between my knees as the tears ran down my face. Silently wiping them off on my shirt.

    I eventually became numb. I couldn't cry, I couldn't smile... Even today, I can hardly cry.

    The only good hanging out with those guys brought me, was music, which is what kept me through the depression.

    At the end of the 9th year, the last month, I was filled with hope again. A new school. A new class... At first it went well, but the memories eventually began to haunt me, and this year that just went by, the second year, I spent all alone in school with no one to talk to. Now, I've tried being social, I've tried opening up(On the swedish national test I throw away my A for a B just to tell them about my life the same way I do now, and for nothing. They cared, but it was soon forgotten.) and now I'm even talking to a psychiatrist... Nothing has helped so far.

    Every day consists of me watching TV, playing games, listening to music, watching a youtuber, or just lie in bed, looking at the wall. This is what I do before and after school as well(Recently I've gotten into training again. So hopefully that will keep me occupied).

    When I wake up and get ready for school, I feel anxiety and pain. I feel like throwing up, and I just want to die. I've felt so ill I've had to stay at home several times.

    I've been part of a "emo" forum, and I've heard about how pain would help you, so I tried it. Cutting, I could not do, so I shoved a nail into my hand. That worked out just fine(note the sarcasm). I have no way of relieving the pain, and I can't kill myself because of the fear of death. I used to know the solution to my problem before, but now, I don't.

    I refuse to take antidepressants, because I feel like I'd lose myself(call me stupid if you will).

    I've fought for almost 11 years now. And all this time, I've been alone.

    Now, I've sat down for almost 3 hours, writing this wall of text, correcting it, rewriting it, and adding more to it. It certainly isn't perfect, like I'd like it to be(I'm sort of a perfectionist), no, it's instead a big mess, just like me and my life.

    I'm not asking for advice, cause none of them have helped so far. I'm not asking for you to pity me, because I hate it. I'm not asking for anything, to be honest. I'm just protecting me from myself.
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    Post by IHateTheFourKings Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:27 pm

    Sorry that I posted earlier and didn't really expound on the subject that I brought up, but now that more has happened, I'm a bit more willing to put it out there:

    Basically, there's this girl that I'm madly in love with, and have been for about three years now. She has an idea of how I feel about her, but she's completely ignored me in that time, instead dating just about every guy except for me. She's expressed an interest in me at multiple points between her relationships, but never made anything of it.

    It's really frustrating, especially now that she's about to move away to go to college. We were going to at least hang out at her house one time and have fun watching me fail miserably at Demon's Souls (she introduced me to Dark Souls), but now she's dating yet another guy, so it's unfortunately not going to happen.

    It kills me to see pictures of them together, when the fun they're having could have so easily been ours. We have so much in common, but she keeps taking back any and all plans we've made. I would give anything to be in his position.

    Anyway, that's the (drastically) abridged version of three years worth of events that have simultaneously given me an untold enthusiasm for life while making me hate my life.
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    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:30 pm

    Out of curiosity, what were some of the rumors your "friends" spread around about you? Seems pretty scummy to me to befriend someone only to turn around and spread nasty things about them.

    As for your regrets, you really shouldn't hold on to them. So a 7-year-old was insensitive so what? Piaget says Preoperationals don't understand the feelings of others. So your cat annoyed you? Pets are always annoying their owners, and it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure she loved you to the last.

    So what I'm saying, and this isn't advice, at least I don't think it is but you can take it however you want. Is to not be so damn hard on yourself, keep going to see your therapist (find one you genuinely like, and take their advice even if they prescribe meds), and, perhaps, this will just have been a rough patch in your life that you will one day look back on and use to appreciate all that you will have achieved that much more.
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    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:33 pm

    IHateTheFourKings wrote:Sorry that I posted earlier and didn't really expound on the subject that I brought up, but now that more has happened, I'm a bit more willing to put it out there:

    Basically, there's this girl that I'm madly in love with, and have been for about three years now. She has an idea of how I feel about her, but she's completely ignored me in that time, instead dating just about every guy except for me. She's expressed an interest in me at multiple points between her relationships, but never made anything of it.

    It's really frustrating, especially now that she's about to move away to go to college. We were going to at least hang out at her house one time and have fun watching me fail miserably at Demon's Souls (she introduced me to Dark Souls), but now she's dating yet another guy, so it's unfortunately not going to happen.

    It kills me to see pictures of them together, when the fun they're having could have so easily been ours. We have so much in common, but she keeps taking back any and all plans we've made. I would give anything to be in his position.

    Anyway, that's the (drastically) abridged version of three years worth of events that have simultaneously given me an untold enthusiasm for life while making me hate my life.
    I went through the same thing with a girl in my high-school but I was too afraid (of rejection, honestly) to do anything about it and she moved away to college and that was that. Honestly, roll the dice, it's better than suffering and putting on a fake smile. And she likes Souls? Sounds like a keeper.winking 
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    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:35 pm

    Let it out: I'm a despicable basket-case no one should really take heed to anything I say on here.rolling eyes 
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    Post by Mr. Tart Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:43 pm

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:Out of curiosity, what were some of the rumors your "friends" spread around about you? Seems pretty scummy to me to befriend someone only to turn around and spread nasty things about them.

    As for your regrets, you really shouldn't hold on to them. So a 7-year-old was insensitive so what? Piaget says Preoperationals don't understand the feelings of others. So your cat annoyed you? Pets are always annoying their owners, and it doesn't matter. I'm pretty sure she loved you to the last.

    So what I'm saying, and this isn't advice, at least I don't think it is but you can take it however you want. Is to not be so damn hard on yourself, keep going to see your therapist (find one you genuinely like, and take their advice even if they prescribe meds), and, perhaps, this will just have been a rough patch in your life that you will one day look back on and use to appreciate all that you will have achieved that much more.
    When me and my ex broke up, they spread rumours about me having been beating her, with nothing to base it on. Another rumour before that was about me being homosexual. Yet again, nothing what-so-ever to base it on. Just pure bullsh*t coming out of their mouths, like always. There are more disturbing rumours that I'd rather not share.
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    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:54 pm

    That's awful, those are things you don't joke about.
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    Post by IHateTheFourKings Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:26 pm

    Weird, I think something happened to my last post.
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    Post by reim0027 Thu Aug 15, 2013 11:19 pm

    Tart - I can't pretend to know what you're going through. But, the refusal to take medications is not wise. You have already lost yourself. Get on the right medication and you will start rediscovering yourself.

    I've said this over and over and over, but clinical depression is a physical disease with your brain. It is not "feeling sad, get over it." It is a disease where your brain does not produce "happy hormones" (or can't use them). Medications can help with this and get you back to normal. Despite what you think, you have already lost your true self. Please, please, please believe me.

    I know you didn't ask for advice, well, too bad. I gave it anyway.

    But, another message is this: I hear you and I feel for you.
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    Post by passivefamiliar Fri Aug 16, 2013 11:14 am

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:
    IHateTheFourKings wrote:Sorry that I posted earlier and didn't really expound on the subject that I brought up, but now that more has happened, I'm a bit more willing to put it out there:

    Basically, there's this girl that I'm madly in love with, and have been for about three years now. She has an idea of how I feel about her, but she's completely ignored me in that time, instead dating just about every guy except for me. She's expressed an interest in me at multiple points between her relationships, but never made anything of it.

    It's really frustrating, especially now that she's about to move away to go to college. We were going to at least hang out at her house one time and have fun watching me fail miserably at Demon's Souls (she introduced me to Dark Souls), but now she's dating yet another guy, so it's unfortunately not going to happen.

    It kills me to see pictures of them together, when the fun they're having could have so easily been ours. We have so much in common, but she keeps taking back any and all plans we've made. I would give anything to be in his position.

    Anyway, that's the (drastically) abridged version of three years worth of events that have simultaneously given me an untold enthusiasm for life while making me hate my life.
    I went through the same thing with a girl in my high-school but I was too afraid (of rejection, honestly) to do anything about it and she moved away to college and that was that. Honestly, roll the dice, it's better than suffering and putting on a fake smile. And she likes Souls? Sounds like a keeper.winking 
    Roll the dice.That's Amazing advice thatI was something I needed in highschool. I'm happy, I love my wife now. Life is not bad, but that one girl, spent summers at her house, was always stuck in the friend zone. Wish i'd  maybe pushed for more, but always left to wonder what could have been. Don't let fear fun your choices. Aside from violence, let instinctive implusivness take over. Have been well long out of highschool, but close enough to remember it. Its better to have regrets than to have to wonder what could have happened.
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    Post by bunnywink Fri Aug 16, 2013 11:19 am

    We have ants in the apartment. They give me a lot of anxiety.
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    Post by IHateTheFourKings Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:00 pm

    bunnywink wrote:We have ants in the apartment. They give me a lot of anxiety.
    Oh god, I feel for you, having had problems with them in the past. The ones in my house had stingers, and one time when I had to throw on some dirty clothes to go out because I was lazy and neglected to do my laundry on time, and a whole bunch of them were in my pants. That's right; literally, ants in my pants. They stung me like seven or eight times before I could take off my pants. I still have several marks from where they attacked me.

    And as for the issue with the girl, she's moving away today. It really sucks that we never did hang out, but at least we can keep in touch online. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I'm going to keep hope that things can someday change.
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    Post by bunnywink Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:09 pm

    Yeah, my boyfriend has been killing them on sight, but they bother me a lot more than they bother him. We've set up ant traps, but I'm still seeing ants in the most random places.

    I wish I could give relationship advice, but it's always the same. Take your chances, but keep in mind that attraction is a two-way street. You may think you would be the best boyfriend/girlfriend for your crush, but maybe you aren't. That's alright. You move on; you find someone who is as crazy about you as you are about them.

    I honestly can't imagine wanting to be with someone who only views me as a friend and isn't attracted to me.
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    Post by IHateTheFourKings Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:15 pm

    bunnywink wrote:Yeah, my boyfriend has been killing them on sight, but they bother me a lot more than they bother him. We've set up ant traps, but I'm still seeing ants in the most random places.

    I wish I could give relationship advice, but it's always the same. Take your chances, but keep in mind that attraction is a two-way street. You may think you would be the best boyfriend/girlfriend for your crush, but maybe you aren't. That's alright. You move on; you find someone who is as crazy about you as you are about them.
    Have you tried using Terro ant traps? When placed in their trail, they'll take it back to their nest, ideally killing all of them. They've worked pretty well for me.
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    Post by bunnywink Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:23 pm

    The only ant trap I was able to find in my local grocery store was Raid. It's supposed to do the same thing, I think. I'll see if I can find Terro at the mall later. Did that work for you?
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    Post by IHateTheFourKings Fri Aug 16, 2013 12:40 pm

    Yeah, Terro seemed to get rid of them.

    I love to see her smile, but it hurts me that it's someone else that makes her happy. It especially sucks that she started dating him when she did, because that prevented us from hanging out on her last few days before she moves away.

    I've never been so in love with anyone before, and I've felt so close to having a relationship with her on multiple occasions. I feel like I pushed it too much, which is probably why it never happened. I want to at least be her friend if I can't be her boyfriend, but I feel like I will indeed become more of a "friend" to her. It's a vicious cycle, and it sucks.

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