How to deal with violence in a household?

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    How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 6:03 pm

    I'm sorry guys, but after seeing other people post about their problems and the amount of support they got I'd like some help as well. Now the basis of this is issues with my brother; however, this goes far beyond typical sibling tension. This is a long one so get ready, and thanks for reading this.

    This all started a year ago. I found my little sister crying in the bathroom with the door locked. After trying to find out what had happened I eventually got her to talk to me and tell me that my brother had grabbed her and groped her. She was f---ing 11. He's 13 and should definitely have known better. Well long story short he goes to "therapy" (I have seen no noticeable improvement) and my parents pretty much just waste this whole thing out until it blows over. No family have been notified and this a--hole is regularly in contact with children in the family, as the parents do not know what has happened. Now this is added on to the number of violent things he has always done. He screams, cusses, and is violent all in a household that is normally quite timid. We do not curse and he constantly drops F bombs in front of my parents. After finding out somethings today I am done. He has spent a lot of time on my dad's laptop, and he is an idiot that doesn't know the existence of web history so I peaked to see what he's been up to. Turns out he's been looking to make homemade weapons and explosives. I have yet to confront my parents with this knowledge, but up until this point all he's gotten are slaps on the wrist. Now even this may seem harmless, but he's acted things like this out in the past. He and his friends have lit things on fire, spray painted and egged our house (I don't know either), and made spears with kitchen knives and sticks (they through them at each other). This is not a safe household anymore, and if anything I want to make sure my sister is safe, and that no one else gets hurt. There are always warning signs to terrorist acts (Boston Bombings, Oklahoma bombings, every shooting, etc.) so how do I deal with this.

    Prostration thanks guys.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by User1 on Sun May 05, 2013 6:09 pm

    Bring in social security, or whatever form of authority there is.

    Have that little f*cker of a brother be put in friggin juvenile, he's an outright tosser.

    And comfort your sister as much as you can. She will (obviously) need quite a lot of support as of this moment.

    If your parents do not *truly* know what's going on, just tell them, if that won't cause any problems.

    Hope this can help in some way, I doubt it can though.

    Good luck friend.
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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 6:21 pm

    Thanks Renegade. I am just at my wits end, and it seems like the longer we wait the more people we jeopardize. I have to make my parents realize that this is something real and not some minute possibility.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by User1 on Sun May 05, 2013 6:26 pm

    Then, as I said, why not just tell them? Perhaps show them the search history as evidence?

    Once again, in your situation, I wish you the best of luck, and hope you can persevere through this tough time.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by UmbasaOtter on Sun May 05, 2013 6:28 pm

    Also, just in case your idea was to confront him, I'd avoid it. Tell your parents, not him, he seems a tad violent, and that's no good.
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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 6:31 pm

    Yeah confrontation is a last resort, which I will only go to if I am attacked (or anyone else in my family). Yes I do plan to tell my parents, it's just that nothing has ever been done in the past. I mean imagine if someone did that to your daughter. I would go berserk no matter who that was.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by User1 on Sun May 05, 2013 6:32 pm

    As I said, he needs to be put in juvenile.
    In my opinion, he seems like a total waste of space and time.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by UmbasaOtter on Sun May 05, 2013 6:40 pm

    I have a hard time writing off people because of anything. He could have been traumatized, or heavily influenced by something. Maybe he's a little but of a sociopath, and probably psychopath, but generally that's caused by a chemical imbalence. I wouldn't hang out with him, and I believe he should be treated, or kept away from society, but I can't justify hating him. he may have good parts to him, though I understand why he should be watched and interacted with, with great care

    Sorry for the rant, don't really know where I was going with that
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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by skarekrow13 on Sun May 05, 2013 6:42 pm

    You've got some good advice already but I'd like to add that if your parents won't act, schools, cps (or equivalent) and police hopefully will.

    Also, there's lots of cases where no one acted. The best results come from evidence. Screen captures on the browsing history and email them to yourself. If you can't take pictures or video of him being violent etc then make a journal. As detailed as possible. Time, date, exact actions, quotes if you can, witnesses, participants, location.......everything.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 6:48 pm

    I don't know if I hate him or don't. All I know is that he needs to go. This kid needs help and supervision.

    Thanks Skare, that's a good idea. I'll probably start carrying around a notebook and recording whenever he gets aggressive.

    One thing to add is that he constantly tells all members of our family that he'll beat them up or things like that. My parents act like he hasn't even said anything. What. The. Hell.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by reim0027 on Sun May 05, 2013 7:00 pm

    skarekrow took the words out of my mouth. This kid has problems. These are the problems that can't be ignored. If your parents don't do something, find someone who will.

    And, do not confront this kid. It is not your responsibility to fix him, nor are you qualified to "fix" him, since he likely has a mental disorder.

    And, while you're at it, consider getting help for your sis. Things like this can be traumatizing for that age.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by RANT on Sun May 05, 2013 7:06 pm

    I hate to say this but you're better off not telling your parents since the might not do anything because of how embarrassing it can be for people. just talk to your guidance counselor in school and how you can go about getting him help and your little sister since(like reim metioned) she will need help too. I hope everything works out for you dude.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 7:19 pm

    Well I don't plan to have him informed until it's too late and all the right people know about him. I understand the concern that this may prompt to him to be more aggressive as a response, but this knowledge needs to be put out there. My family needs to know that he is violent and dangerous, and he needs to be stopped.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sun May 05, 2013 7:41 pm

    I would talk to the guidance counselor like others have suggested but seeing as he is already in therapy I'm not sure what good it'll do. I'm pretty sure guardian consent/doctor and court order are needed to take more drastic measures.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 7:59 pm

    I need to find some way to prove that he is violent. Right now he's upstairs with his friends and they are wrestling in the living room and breaking crap. My dad has enough balls to ask them to stop and when they continue he just sighs and walks away. What the heck is going on?


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by User1 on Sun May 05, 2013 8:01 pm

    I think he has given up hope of changing your brother, in that case.
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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sun May 05, 2013 8:03 pm

    Can't you beat them up? They're just 13.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 8:04 pm

    It's not a matter of if I can, but a matter of what will happen if I do. I'm over 18 so anything unprovoked could get me in a lot of trouble, which I'd like to avoid as much as possible.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sun May 05, 2013 8:08 pm

    True, there could be some legal ramifications (so, keep in my mind it is inadvisable) it's just that sometimes an ***-whopping at the hands of a sibling (not a parent) can go a long way towards setting things straight.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 8:16 pm

    Believe me, no amount of physical discipline will affect this kid. I've tackled him and thrown him on the ground for being an a-- in a public school (he went to an elementary school with his friends and didn't leave when asked by teachers) and I kept his stupid a-- in line until my mom showed up. I just happened to be volunteering at the school that day so I went back to helping and my mom told me on the way home he was screaming and cussing and banging his head against the window. He came home and yelled at her and throw things around and spilled something on the floor then locked himself in the bathroom for the whole night.


    This happened a while ago, but just shows how corrupt this kid is.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sun May 05, 2013 8:25 pm

    Damn, that's horrible. :no: I just don't know what you can do.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by skarekrow13 on Sun May 05, 2013 8:26 pm

    Wrestling and breaking a few things will almost always be seen as "boys will be boys." No one likes to admit there's a real problem until it's too late. That's why I stressed evidence collection. A pattern of abnormal behavior, if well documented, can be far more persuasive.

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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 8:28 pm

    Yeah I'll keep an eye on him and record any of the things he does (will probably be extensive) and if my parents can't get it together then I will.


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by nsane32 on Sun May 05, 2013 8:40 pm

    where is he ill show some military discipline


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    Re: How to deal with violence in a household?

    Post by hey its andres on Sun May 05, 2013 8:44 pm

    I wish it were that simple. I wish someone could come along and beat his a-- and show him some respect and have him actually learn his listen. This is just a messed up kid with parents who think that their kid can't possibly do anything bad.

    In either case, thanks to all of you who answered. I think we can all use the help from time to time. I just hope that I'll be able to make a difference this time.


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