Forced out of my house. Advice?

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    Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by LunarFog on Sat May 04, 2013 6:19 pm

    It pains me that I have to come here for support again, but idk. The community on this forum is just...trustworthy.

    I'm 17. 3 weeks of high school left. I have a bitter dad with anger problems and I'm sick of his ****. Plan to move out as soon as possible, even though to be honest, I don't think I'm ready for it. I'm taking the driving test to get my permit early next week and I have a part-time job that has relatively good pay lined up to start the first day of June. I have one friend who offered to split an apartment with me and a group of 4 other friends who are moving into a house together who said I was welcome to move in too(tbh that seems like a lot of people) Advice? Not just on the dad thing. I really need advice or tips when I move out.

    To put into perspective what kind of idiocy I'm dealing with with my dad situation, and why I NEED to move out asap, here's a story

    My dad had an old broken ipod that wouldn't turn on even if you plugged it in. About a month ago he and my mom got into a big fight. Even from my room I heart him say "I don't even like you anymore" and they decided to split up after that. I thought it was a divorce, so I decided that I might as well try to fix his ipod. I bought a new battery for it to replace it and got it to work, even though I partially cracked the corner of the screen a little bit in the process. He comes back after a little over 3 weeks, because apparently they were only taking a break from each other. He sees the ipod and starts shouting at me, 2 days after he came back from leaving the family for almost a month. He says I owe him $50,000 because I broke it and because of how much time and money he spent paying for the songs on the ipod and doesn't realize that because of me he can actually TURN IT ON.


    Last edited by LunarFog on Sat May 04, 2013 6:52 pm; edited 1 time in total

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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Hatsune Miku on Sat May 04, 2013 6:26 pm

    I don't know what to say at the moment. But, Best of luck to you.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by densetsushun on Sat May 04, 2013 6:31 pm

    I think you already have it figured out, it's a bad situation you just need to get out of. But if I understand it correctly he's being verbally abusive, and I think there are officials who can deal with that. Get him away from your family before you leave.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by KrazykevS10 on Sat May 04, 2013 6:37 pm

    Somebody doesn't know what an i-Pod is worth...

    I can't claim to know what kind of family you have but you should think very carefully about moving out.You are only 17,not even a legal adult yet and you will have to be completely independant.Many people including myself have family issues,(I'll get into some of that further on)but you don't have to jump ship because of it.You will have many bills to pay and a part time job may not cover it and food etc.

    I understand completely about not liking your father.Mine also chucks around insults,he is a bit of a bully,yells pretty much everything he says and calls me some pretty terrible names.He pretty much thinks I'm completely useless or acts like it and that I can't do even the most simple task without screwing up.But at the end of the day,a**hole or not,he is still there if I really need something and I'm sure your dad is too if you show him you when you are ever in need.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by ResIsBestStat on Sat May 04, 2013 6:38 pm

    Dear god, parents nowadays....
    I've heard worse, but still...
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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Mr. Tart on Sat May 04, 2013 6:47 pm

    If you're not sure whether you're ready or not, that says something. But you obviously have it all figured out, so that is good. If you feel like you can trust all the people you will be living with, and if you won't regret it, then do it. But just make sure you're really ready for this, because it is a big step. That's all i can say, really. I wish you the best of luck.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by densetsushun on Sat May 04, 2013 6:48 pm

    Tart makes a good point, make sure you can actually live with the people you plan on living with.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by LunarFog on Sat May 04, 2013 6:53 pm

    Moving in with other people won't be any problem for me even if they aren't the best roommates. Just look what I have to compare them to. lol

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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Soris Ice Goldwing on Sat May 04, 2013 7:06 pm

    You are soon going to be done with high school, are going to become 18 this month and have friends who have given you the option to move in with them. You also say you have a good part time job. I say you have the moving out idea well planned out for you as you seem to have unhealthy relations with your father. It is a big step but you do see your options regarding this.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Carphil on Sat May 04, 2013 7:37 pm

    Has Skare showed up yet?


    Hmmm It appears that I am in a similar situation with exception of the dad fight part.

    I'm planning on moving to a small apartment, by myself or with a friend near school


    (I'm in high 2nd highschool, but I lost an year so I will only go to college when I'm 19.)


    What I would do if a were you right now, its first of all rest your head, then make a list about the pros and cons about moving to another place

    E.G.

    You will have to get and organize some money for food, clothes, bills, and school/work, not counting the house improvments

    In return, by moving to a smaller place you can spend so much less on the house and save more money to other stuff, like going out.


    I don't know where you live, but around here its possible to organize money and depending on how are you going to aqcuire cash, save at least 30% for "fun"


    Lastly, I wish the best of luck and I hope that you and your family work together on this.


    Last edited by Carphil on Sat May 04, 2013 7:40 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by EverlastingRat on Sat May 04, 2013 7:40 pm

    WOW!... I kinda feel for you.

    This is a huge issue, because by moving out you're admitting that you are now a grown a$$ person. I felt that way at 17 too, and because of issues with my dad, I moved out. I was homeless for about less than half a year, I told no one though. Afterwards, I moved into a two bedroom apartment, in the slums, with like four people, so we each had to share a room. I had known these friends for quite some time, so I was fortunate in that. Also after a few months I had basically landed a job that had me making over $2000/mo. my rent/bills was about $500. All I can say is I was young, dumb, and full of 'stuff'. My money was blown on dumb shhht, I had little to show for it. Eventually we moved out to a bigger place, a 4 bedroom house with a yard, in mothafuqn San Diego(a seriously expensive city). In the end, all my dough was going to bills and little for myself. It was hard to focus on anything but work. I had mended shhht over with my dad too after some time. I also figured that school/future was more important to me than a bigger place of my own. I had been talking to my family and I guess my dad asked if I'd like to move back in when the lease ended. I guess, to certain extent, I swallowed my pride, but my father wanted to help me out and also he told me to redeem himself for the way he acted towards me. I accepted and moved back in but after 6 mo., I moved in with my wife, at the time we had been dating for about a year. We didn't have beef, I just decided to give it a whirl out on my(well with my gf at the time) own again but approach the situation more intelligently. But we got a cheap spot and were going to school and working. We maintained. She joined the military, so we're now in damn Maine.
    I guess you either have someone help you and live under their rules or you can be completely independent but wih your freedom.


    All I can say is if you move out, be careful and take shhht seriously. Life is fun but at other times it will facefuq you. Also, I'm not trying to say I completely understand your issues with your dad, but sometimes there can be hope in the future to fix that. You know how the saying goes 'time heals all pain' or some shhhht like that. It took me about two years before I talked to my dad again.

    Hope this helps in some way. I'm not trying to discourage or encourage, just some perspective from my side.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Carphil on Sat May 04, 2013 7:43 pm

    ^ that was an interesting story dude, thanks for sharing


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by User1 on Sat May 04, 2013 7:48 pm

    I would say to move out as soon as possible, but you need to make sure you have a good amount of money. If you don't you're effectively screwed, not to be Captain Obvious.
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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by EverlastingRat on Sat May 04, 2013 8:43 pm

    @ Carphil
    No doubt, i've grown quite fond of this community


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by dancash1808 on Sat May 04, 2013 8:48 pm

    While I have never been in the situation of having to move out out. I have to say its best to get out of a toxic household. you really dont realize how much it impacts you until you get away from it. (in my case it was escaping to my fathers from my mothers.)


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by hey its andres on Sat May 04, 2013 8:58 pm

    KrazykevS10 wrote:Somebody doesn't know what an i-Pod is worth...

    I can't claim to know what kind of family you have but you should think very carefully about moving out.You are only 17,not even a legal adult yet and you will have to be completely independant.Many people including myself have family issues,(I'll get into some of that further on)but you don't have to jump ship because of it.You will have many bills to pay and a part time job may not cover it and food etc.

    I understand completely about not liking your father.Mine also chucks around insults,he is a bit of a bully,yells pretty much everything he says and calls me some pretty terrible names.He pretty much thinks I'm completely useless or acts like it and that I can't do even the most simple task without screwing up.But at the end of the day,a**hole or not,he is still there if I really need something and I'm sure your dad is too if you show him you when you are ever in need.


    Everything here is really good. You have to remember that although moving out may sound like it will fix all your problems, and it may in fact fix them, there are a load of problems that will arise because of it. The grass is always greener, remember that you may have a nice job now, but is this what you want out of life? At 17 you have a lot of places you can go and things you can do, but some choices may limit you. Just keep this in mind.
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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by skarekrow13 on Sat May 04, 2013 11:11 pm

    I think you've gotten some great advice already. Definitely research every little cost that could come up before you move out. I've known several people who had what they thought was a good job, only to find out they needed three or four jobs just to stay afloat. Even if you think you're good, keep luxuries to a minimum at first. Make sure you can cover all the needs first.
    They say money can't buy happiness, but a lack of it can sure leech it away.

    Also, I say this from the perspective of someone who interviews others for a living, almost everyone with a problem either makes it sound worse than it is or, just as often, not as bad as it is.

    I don't get the impression you're exaggerating but it's hard to tell from text so....if the problem isn't as bad as it sounds, money problems and moving out could be a bigger headache than it's worth. Particularly if your parents are helping you accomplish goals (school, etc).

    On the flip side, if you're holding back and the problem is worse than you're letting on, working a couple jobs and not having cable TV for awhile probably won't even be a sacrifice compared to the gains from being independent.

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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat May 04, 2013 11:15 pm

    I think you've got a pretty good idea on what you should be doing already, but really who spends 50K on music for an iPod? Is that even possible?

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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by tinypantha on Sat May 04, 2013 11:27 pm

    cant offer much advice lunar but, Stories like these make me even more certain that the number of sane parents in the newest generation will be much lower... I would never yell at my wife, nor would i ever yell at my child.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Tchuwib on Sun May 05, 2013 12:09 am

    Speaking from experience, make sure to have a back up plan. Like family member you could live with or other friend in case it doesn't work right with that apartment set up. I've got kick out from my main house a long time ago, but I was lucky enough to have my dad to pick me up or even my Aunt for a while after. It helped patch up my life together until I could live on my own. But living with other people will always have conflict or tension. It's hard to form to each other in a big set up. You should try to aim for a part time job while you're at school right now that could turn into a full time after. If you specify stuff like that with possible employer they could look forward to it. Other then that, it's life. Once you get out of school and don't have to rely on your parent to live it, it get tough, but I'm sure you can manage as long as you try your best at it.

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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by reim0027 on Sun May 05, 2013 12:34 am

    $50,000? For a broken ipod (not even an ipAd) and some songs? Hell, he owes more than that to you for the emotional abuse.

    My advice, bear it out the 3 weeks. Finish High School. Move out as soon as you can after that, but don't rush out. Get prepared with your friends, and have as many alternate options as you can.

    And, talk to people. Talk to friends. Talk to your guidance counselor. Keep talking to us. Anything you can do to let you know you are not alone and to be able to vent.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by LunarFog on Sun May 05, 2013 11:47 pm

    Man... thanks guys. I knew I could count on these forums for support. I really owe all of you a lot. Seriously.

    As for an update to the situation...I googled broken ipod screens. I could buy one online for 20-30$ and then have the old one replaced in less than half an hour. I'm hoping that will get him off my case. Whenever I think about it though it's just so stupid. He's already starting to replace every song on his ipod instead of just replacing what's broken.

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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Hatsune Miku on Mon May 06, 2013 12:04 am

    Sorry I couldn't seem to think of my own advice, but I do see that you have plenty of good advice to go by.
    I hope things make a turn for the better somehow.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by hey its andres on Mon May 06, 2013 12:20 am

    Your dad sounds like he's one of those persons who likes to wallow in self-pity. He probably knows that he doesn't have to replace that, and I doubt he even has 50k worth of music on there (that's over 100 gigs!). Well it is very good of you to fix it for him, and I'm sure in the end this will help stabilize things for the time being.


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    Re: Forced out of my house. Advice?

    Post by Halicarnassis on Tue May 07, 2013 3:29 am

    LF - as a partner in a recruitment company I interview people for jobs all the time. Getting into an industry needs grades. Commit to finishing school; it's only a few more weeks. Like Reim said, vent your frustration with friends or people who will listen. Once you're done then the works is your oyster happy


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