Corrupt a Wish: Dark Souls Style

Okay this is a very old and long forgotten forum game, and I wish to bring it to dark souls.

Basically, Person A says "I wish _______________" Then person B responds "Granted.

But [insert negative twist on the wish here]" then person B makes a wish in the same post, and the cycle continues. All wishes must pertain to dark souls. Here's an example.

I wish I was a darkwraith

granted.

you get indicted and invaded by 20,000 darkmoons.

I wish I had a drake sword

you see how it works?



I will start the game:

I wish I had a pet titanite lizard!

Granted.

It runs off a cliff and dies forever and now you are lonely.

I wish Andre was my bro

Granted. But it turns out he was the Firstborn all along and you now see him as a disgrace to your family.

I wish that before Dark Souls 2 comes out and before the playerbase loses interest in the game, that a type of netcode that completely and absolutely eliminated lag from PvP was made and used for Dark Souls.

Granted.

Now the programming predicts player actions so well that it puts information in ahead of time. This program is forceably taken by governments and used to create a global totalitarian regime by predicting every single action in the universe. This new order outlaws Dark Souls (all numbers) and now you can no longer play.

I wish I knew how to let the First Flame die and remove the (as I perceive them to be) corrupt, power-hungry gods fall without the Abyss spreading and turning the world Dark.

Granted,
But the dragons return, killing every humanoid.

I wish the Skarekrow gardeners took care of my lawn

skarekrow13 wrote: Granted,
But the dragons return, killing every humanoid.

I wish the Skarekrow gardeners took care of my lawn

Granted, but they still hate all things human, so you can never leave your house without them trying to slice you to pieces.

I wish shields on your back while two-handing weapons reduced backstab damage.

Reaperfan wrote:

skarekrow13 wrote: Granted,
But the dragons return, killing every humanoid.

I wish the Skarekrow gardeners took care of my lawn

Granted, but they still hate all things human, so you can never leave your house without them trying to slice you to pieces.

I wish shields on your back while two-handing weapons reduced backstab damage.

Granted. Now 90% of Dark Souls players are magic spammers.


I wish I had Sif as a pet.

Granted.

Sif decides to fight to the end and is gradually pulled towards manus and gets slaughtered...

I wish that I had a dragon torso stone

Granted
You realize that you're forever naked and people run from you, leaving you forever alone.
I wish I was an apprentice to Artorias.

Granted
But he goes crazy before teaching you anything of value. You then wander alone for the rest of your life

I wish I was as strong as Tarkus


Edit: wanted to say great game John!

Granted, but dark souls no longer let's you personally select your customization, instead you must push "random" over and over until you receive something you like.

I wish I was the chosen undead.

Granted
Bed of Chaos is now more like the Wizard of Oz like I theorized before. Except this time, the penalty for getting hit is to lose your brain, courage and heart. Meaning if you lose once (which you will) you can't find the battle again and see too afraid to ask where it is. With no heart eventually you give up and can't finish the game

I wish I could lemon buff my kitchen knives

Granted. However, your wife grows crazy and tries to kill you with it, and thus the buff goes through your defenses and kills you.

I wish this wish wouldn't be corrupted at all and that darkwraiths drop slabs more frequently in New Londo.

Granted but since you removed corruption darkwraiths are no longer corrupt so they never invade.

I wish the pendant did something.

^ Granted, holding it in your inventory curses you and makes you take 2x damage on all damage you take.

I wish I had a real life Dark Hand, complete with Lifesteal and black hole sheild ability.

Granted, but it possesses you and corrupts your very soul, turning you into a real life darkwraith who is now hunted by predator drones that shoot many, many missles.

Lol my bad. I wish for everyone in the world to not be hungry anymore.


If you corrupt that, you are evil.

EeAyEss wrote:Granted, but it possesses you and corrupts your very soul, turning you into a real life darkwraith who is now hunted by predator drones that shoot many, many missles.

Lol my bad. I wish for everyone in the world to not be hungry anymore.


If you corrupt that, you are evil.

Granted.

None are hungry, however, to accomplish this goal, all mankind was killed so that none could starve.


I wish that I had a gravity gun.

Granted. It glitches and creates a black hole on earth, by which everything in the solar system is now dead.

I wish people weren't so stupid all the time.

Granted. Everyone becomes incredibly intelligent, but understanding noone would ever work together, wipes civilization off the planet to protect it from us.

Rynn wrote:Granted. Everyone becomes incredibly intelligent, but understanding noone would ever work together, wipes civilization off the planet to protect it from us.

Granted, but... No wait...

I wish that dark souls was steampunk

Johnthethird wrote:I wish that dark souls was steampunk

Granted, guns are now the most OP thing in the game and the game becomes a matter of who can Corner Peak the most.

I wish I had an evil laugh, sexy armor, and a grandoise plan to take over the world to go along with my Possessive Dark Hand.