Who wants to help me proofread?

    Share
    avatar
    Bcc17
    Obsessed
    Obsessed

    Posts : 577
    Reputation : 19
    Join date : 2012-05-23
    Age : 22
    Location : Buffalo, NY

    Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Bcc17 on Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:43 pm

    So I wrote a poem for my English class and I kinda based it off of DkS. I'm just a little worried about not finding stupid mistakes. Any help would be appreciated! big grin

    Spoiler:

    Darksign

    Before, I could feel,
    Happiness, love, friendship,
    But now I only know pain,
    Alone, and cold.

    This sign of darkness,
    Brands my chest,
    Clawing at me
    As hyenas do to their prey.

    This curse that afflicts me,
    Drives me,
    Controls me,
    Forces me to be something else.

    Every day I fight,
    This primal rage that stirs inside me,
    I try to win back my sanity,
    But keep falling flat.

    Every day I die,
    But as the bonfire of my soul is kindled,
    I keep coming back,
    I can only hope others can know peace from this Hell.


    _________________
    avatar
    skarekrow13
    Chat Moderator

    Posts : 10236
    Reputation : 410
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Location : Ralph Wilson Stadium

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by skarekrow13 on Tue Nov 13, 2012 11:55 pm

    Looks fine. If I changed anything it would to change the punctuation at the end of each stanza's second line to a period. Make that pause a little more emphasized

    avatar
    WhatDoesThePendantDo?
    Duke's Archivist
    Duke's Archivist

    Posts : 11501
    Reputation : 327
    Join date : 2012-04-18
    Age : 28
    Location : WPB, Florida

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Wed Nov 14, 2012 12:01 am

    Looks good to me. I probably would have switched the order of some of the words had it been me writing it, but that's it.

    Should see you through in grand style, though. winking

    avatar
    AnastaciaAstora
    Regular
    Regular

    Posts : 81
    Reputation : 0
    Join date : 2012-11-07

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by AnastaciaAstora on Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:33 am

    OH I WILL I WILL PICK ME.

    I'd remove the commas from the end of the lines, it will look more professional. I know you're taught to always use proper grammar, etc, but rules are there to be broken. No one would bother with this stuff if it was all the same.

    The only thing I would say is that the second line of the last stanza feels a bit clunky - because you've used roughly uniform ones in the rest, it makes that one seem like a bit of a mouthful. Only a very small detail though, overall you did good. Sun


    _________________
    "thank you! (^-^)/ pray the sun!"
    Sun
    PSN: AlphaxOmega101
    Add if you have a helmet that can stand these levels of noob
    avatar
    Bcc17
    Obsessed
    Obsessed

    Posts : 577
    Reputation : 19
    Join date : 2012-05-23
    Age : 22
    Location : Buffalo, NY

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Bcc17 on Wed Nov 14, 2012 3:10 pm

    big grin
    Thanks dudebros!


    _________________
    avatar
    PlasticandRage
    Chosen Undead
    Chosen Undead

    Posts : 5280
    Reputation : 123
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Age : 34
    Location : New York

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by PlasticandRage on Wed Nov 14, 2012 9:28 pm

    You know there's no set rules for grammar or punctuation in poetry right? As long as you've spelled everything right you can do it anyway you want. It's completely subjective. Any teacher who tells you otherwise is kind of an idiot.

    You can use those things to better convey meaning, there are all kinds of neat tricks to do it too, but there aren't set rules for it. Poetry is kind of the exception to the rules.


    Last edited by PlasticandRage on Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:34 am; edited 1 time in total


    _________________
    All great men have mustaches.

    TIGER UPPERCUT!

    PSN: PlasticAndRage
    avatar
    BIG TIME MASTER
    Insomniac
    Insomniac

    Posts : 1445
    Reputation : 77
    Join date : 2012-06-26
    Location : Junkyard Porto-John

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Thu Nov 15, 2012 2:50 am

    I found a hideous and glaring mistake!

    avatar
    Bcc17
    Obsessed
    Obsessed

    Posts : 577
    Reputation : 19
    Join date : 2012-05-23
    Age : 22
    Location : Buffalo, NY

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Bcc17 on Thu Nov 15, 2012 9:25 am

    BIG TIME MASTER wrote:I found a hideous and glaring mistake!

    Oh?


    _________________
    avatar
    BIG TIME MASTER
    Insomniac
    Insomniac

    Posts : 1445
    Reputation : 77
    Join date : 2012-06-26
    Location : Junkyard Porto-John

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Thu Nov 15, 2012 9:33 am

    Yes, you are really going to need to fix it.

    avatar
    WhatDoesThePendantDo?
    Duke's Archivist
    Duke's Archivist

    Posts : 11501
    Reputation : 327
    Join date : 2012-04-18
    Age : 28
    Location : WPB, Florida

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Thu Nov 15, 2012 11:11 am

    BIG TIME MASTER wrote:I found a hideous and glaring mistake!

    In the last stanza, right? :suspect: silly

    avatar
    BIG TIME MASTER
    Insomniac
    Insomniac

    Posts : 1445
    Reputation : 77
    Join date : 2012-06-26
    Location : Junkyard Porto-John

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by BIG TIME MASTER on Thu Nov 15, 2012 11:57 am

    Haha, I'm just messing with you.



    Nice poem though.

    avatar
    Rudmed
    Caffeinated
    Caffeinated

    Posts : 770
    Reputation : 20
    Join date : 2012-07-15
    Age : 24
    Location : Let me just look at my.....I forgot the map.

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Rudmed on Thu Nov 15, 2012 2:01 pm

    PlasticandRage wrote:You know there's no set rules for grammar or punctuation in poetry right? As long as you've spelled everything right you can do it anyway you want. It's completely subjective. Any teacher who tells you otherwise is kind of an idiot.

    You can use those things to better convey meaning, there are all kinds of neat tricks to do it too, but there aren't set rules for it. Poetry is kind of the exception to the rules.

    THERE ARE NO RULES!


    _________________
    XBL GT: gguyy

    Join us cursed brothers and sisters and regain the lives you once knew: http://soulswiki.forumsrpg.com/t10229-those-of-cursed-blood-covenant-looking-for-members#212550






    avatar
    Bcc17
    Obsessed
    Obsessed

    Posts : 577
    Reputation : 19
    Join date : 2012-05-23
    Age : 22
    Location : Buffalo, NY

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Bcc17 on Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:04 pm

    Rudmed wrote:
    PlasticandRage wrote:You know there's no set rules for grammar or punctuation in poetry right? As long as you've spelled everything right you can do it anyway you want. It's completely subjective. Any teacher who tells you otherwise is kind of an idiot.

    You can use those things to better convey meaning, there are all kinds of neat tricks to do it too, but there aren't set rules for it. Poetry is kind of the exception to the rules.

    THERE ARE NO RULES!

    Punches the wall, causing it to explode into a million pieces. Each piece morphs into a butterfly that fly away, but as they reach the tree tops, they turn into bricks.


    _________________
    avatar
    skarekrow13
    Chat Moderator

    Posts : 10236
    Reputation : 410
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Location : Ralph Wilson Stadium

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by skarekrow13 on Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:10 pm

    AAHHHHHHH NO RULES! Wait, what if that last post was poetry too!! AHHHHHHHH

    avatar
    Bcc17
    Obsessed
    Obsessed

    Posts : 577
    Reputation : 19
    Join date : 2012-05-23
    Age : 22
    Location : Buffalo, NY

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Bcc17 on Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:35 pm

    This thread is a lot deeper than I thought it would be lol.


    _________________
    avatar
    AnastaciaAstora
    Regular
    Regular

    Posts : 81
    Reputation : 0
    Join date : 2012-11-07

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by AnastaciaAstora on Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:43 pm

    All I'm gonna say is

    One of my teachers taught me that good form and uniform **** is the way to go
    The other said "*** da police"

    I hated that first teacher and all her work. I own the second one's books.

    Let's smash some poetry up u guiz.


    _________________
    "thank you! (^-^)/ pray the sun!"
    Sun
    PSN: AlphaxOmega101
    Add if you have a helmet that can stand these levels of noob
    avatar
    PlasticandRage
    Chosen Undead
    Chosen Undead

    Posts : 5280
    Reputation : 123
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Age : 34
    Location : New York

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by PlasticandRage on Thu Nov 15, 2012 6:16 pm

    The point is you're free to have fun with it and be clever and approach it any way you want. Poetry doesn't necessarily have to be stuffy or a clear articulation of emotion or any connotative thing you might think it'd have to be. That's not to say that poetry can't be any of those things, or that I don't think poetry that is those things isn't a valid form of self expression, but for me, when I write poetry for school, if I'm not having fun than I haven't done it right.


    _________________
    All great men have mustaches.

    TIGER UPPERCUT!

    PSN: PlasticAndRage
    avatar
    Bcc17
    Obsessed
    Obsessed

    Posts : 577
    Reputation : 19
    Join date : 2012-05-23
    Age : 22
    Location : Buffalo, NY

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Bcc17 on Tue Nov 20, 2012 5:13 pm

    Just got the poem back, got an A big grin


    _________________
    avatar
    PlasticandRage
    Chosen Undead
    Chosen Undead

    Posts : 5280
    Reputation : 123
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Age : 34
    Location : New York

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by PlasticandRage on Tue Nov 20, 2012 5:29 pm

    Nice work man.


    _________________
    All great men have mustaches.

    TIGER UPPERCUT!

    PSN: PlasticAndRage
    avatar
    skarekrow13
    Chat Moderator

    Posts : 10236
    Reputation : 410
    Join date : 2012-01-27
    Location : Ralph Wilson Stadium

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by skarekrow13 on Tue Nov 20, 2012 6:56 pm

    And I helped!


    Or was that shake n' bake?


    Actually I did nothing. Great job


    Sponsored content

    Re: Who wants to help me proofread?

    Post by Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Fri Dec 15, 2017 6:51 pm