Brony Thread

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    Wade_Wilson
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 12:52 pm

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:
    Wade_Wilson wrote:
    Spoiler:
    Imagine if Hasbro actually did a DkS themed episode, I'd be in heaven

    No chance. But yeah, that would be absolutely epic.

    I'm giggling like a madman just thinking about it.


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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat Sep 29, 2012 12:54 pm

    What was that Artorias thread you created? You created one at the same time about 2 other threads saying the same exact thing went up.

    ::Twilight Zone theme::

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 12:59 pm

    I don't even know how that happened, we must be coming under the influence of a hivemind or something.


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:19 pm

    Chapter 9 is done and on the pastebin. Damn that took a while.


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:27 pm

    Great timing! Just got done farming for BSS. winking


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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Marino. on Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:31 pm

    *lurk lurk*

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Spurgun on Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:38 pm



    EDIT: That pic is way too big silly
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:54 pm

    Ok, you jerk, why didn't you put in a PTDE spoiler tag in your story? silly

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:57 pm

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:Ok, you jerk, why didn't you put in a PTDE spoiler tag in your story? silly

    lol! Whoopsie!


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Spurgun on Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:02 pm

    IT only shows a part of the picture, the PTDE content is on the other side silly
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:14 pm

    Yeah, what Spurgun said, everything takes place in Equestria anyway. lol!


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Spurgun on Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:15 pm

    I just imagined Berserk taking part in Equestria.
    Poor ponies sad
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Reaperfan on Sat Sep 29, 2012 9:35 pm

    Chapter 2, very well done just like the one before it! Not quite as many critiques this time as with chapter 1, but here goes:

    Spoiler:
    This one was formatted a bit differently, so no paragraph indicators this time sad

    ”Why yes, I am. It’s a grim necessity I’m afraid. My people have starved far for so long…”

    Another one of those supposed typos :|


    “Let us not dwell here, Celestia. Every moment wasted here is a moment that demon can use to make evil.”

    The second instance of the word "here" sounds a bit repetitive, and getting rid of it doesn't hurt the meaning of the sentence.


    ”Chrysalis” The Demon from before hovers down and lands deftly in front of you, pacing not 10 feet away from you.
    ”I will never give up while my p0nies are in danger, Chrysalis.” Celestia says defiantly.

    There's no reason for Solaire to know Chrysalis's name spontaneously. Celestia says Chrysalis's name in the very next sentence, so use that as the point at which Solaire learns her name.


    ”They fought hard, but were no match for our changeling superiority.

    Just seems to make the statement flow better.


    "Did you wish to be sent home? Truth be told, you did not."

    Add a statment saying why he didn't. Just something small like "my business there was done, anyway." Solaire needs a reason to have made this decision.

    I also feel like you made Celestia feel a bit too weak, but that's really just personal opinions and interpretations as opposed to real feedback. It's your fic, so you can represent Celestia however you feel best fits the story happy


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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:05 pm

    Reaperfan wrote:Chapter 2, very well done just like the one before it! Not quite as many critiques this time as with chapter 1, but here goes:

    Spoiler:
    This one was formatted a bit differently, so no paragraph indicators this time sad

    ”Why yes, I am. It’s a grim necessity I’m afraid. My people have starved far for so long…”

    Another one of those supposed typos :|


    “Let us not dwell here, Celestia. Every moment wasted here is a moment that demon can use to make evil.”

    The second instance of the word "here" sounds a bit repetitive, and getting rid of it doesn't hurt the meaning of the sentence.


    ”Chrysalis” The Demon from before hovers down and lands deftly in front of you, pacing not 10 feet away from you.
    ”I will never give up while my p0nies are in danger, Chrysalis.” Celestia says defiantly.

    There's no reason for Solaire to know Chrysalis's name spontaneously. Celestia says Chrysalis's name in the very next sentence, so use that as the point at which Solaire learns her name.


    ”They fought hard, but were no match for our changeling superiority.

    Just seems to make the statement flow better.


    "Did you wish to be sent home? Truth be told, you did not."

    Add a statment saying why he didn't. Just something small like "my business there was done, anyway." Solaire needs a reason to have made this decision.

    I also feel like you made Celestia feel a bit too weak, but that's really just personal opinions and interpretations as opposed to real feedback. It's your fic, so you can represent Celestia however you feel best fits the story happy

    I made her intentionally weak to reflect upon Equestria itself; a loooong era of peace and prosperity, and suddenly a invasion almost comes to realisation. It'll also set up for the ending chapters
    Spoiler:
    not gonna spoil anything.
    I'll again correct the errors when it's not 2am, I didn't correct the CH1 errors because I wanted to get CH9 done.


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:19 pm

    *** man,

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Reaperfan on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:20 pm

    Wade_Wilson wrote:I made her intentionally weak to reflect upon Equestria itself; a loooong era of peace and prosperity, and suddenly a invasion almost comes to realisation. It'll also set up for the ending chapters
    Spoiler:
    not gonna spoil anything.
    I'll again correct the errors when it's not 2am, I didn't correct the CH1 errors because I wanted to get CH9 done.

    Makes sense. That's why you're the author lol!


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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:26 pm

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:*** man,

    Huh?

    And lol reaper, I may be the author but I'm always open to critique and suggestions. And I just went and corrected all the flaws you pointed out, I remembered I wasn't doing anything of importance. lol!


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:28 pm

    Sorry man, I didn't mean to type that I meant to type something else.

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:32 pm

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:Sorry man, I didn't mean to type that I meant to type something else.

    Well What is it


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Reaperfan on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:38 pm

    Wade_Wilson wrote:And lol reaper, I may be the author but I'm always open to critique and suggestions. And I just went and corrected all the flaws you pointed out, I remembered I wasn't doing anything of importance. lol!

    Well if I'm going to be perfectly honest, it was a little jarring when she broke down and cried. Admittedly the situation she was in was distressing, but I'd have imagined her reaction to being something more like "Celestia stood there, dumbstruck at what she saw, and after a moment when the reality of it all sunk in, she knelt down in resignation, a hollow look of defeat on her face." Something that said that in her mind she realized the situation was lost, but she went down with grace and acceptance as opposed to despair and helplessness.

    Then again, like I said, different interpretations of the character, and if the current way is necessary for later story points then I can understand winking


    Last edited by Reaperfan on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:39 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:38 pm

    What....

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Reaperfan on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:39 pm

    WhatDoesThePendantDo? wrote:What....

    He's probably asking "well what exactly did you mean to type then?"


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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by WhatDoesThePendantDo? on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:44 pm

    Hell, if I remember.

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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Wade_Wilson on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:55 pm

    Reaperfan wrote:
    Wade_Wilson wrote:And lol reaper, I may be the author but I'm always open to critique and suggestions. And I just went and corrected all the flaws you pointed out, I remembered I wasn't doing anything of importance. lol!

    Well if I'm going to be perfectly honest, it was a little jarring when she broke down and cried. Admittedly the situation she was in was distressing, but I'd have imagined her reaction to being something more like "Celestia stood there, dumbstruck at what she saw, and after a moment when the reality of it all sunk in, she knelt down in resignation, a hollow look of defeat on her face." Something that said that in her mind she realized the situation was lost, but she went down with grace and acceptance as opposed to despair and helplessness.

    Then again, like I said, different interpretations of the character, and if the current way is necessary for later story points then I can understand winking

    Eh, fair enough. In my mind she would have gone down gracefully if not for cheeselegs threatening the mane six, specifically Twilight. That would be the straw on the camels back. But who cares, it's fanfiction! lol!


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    Golden rays of the glorious sunshine, sending down such a blood-red light
    Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows, out of sight
    Arid winds blow across the mountains, giving flight to the birds of prey
    In the distance machines come to transform Eden, day by day
    Only love is with us now, something warm and pure!
    Find the peace within ourselves, no need for the cure!
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    Re: Brony Thread

    Post by Reaperfan on Sun Sep 30, 2012 12:34 am

    Wade_Wilson wrote:Eh, fair enough. In my mind she would have gone down gracefully if not for cheeselegs threatening the mane six, specifically Twilight. That would be the straw on the camels back. But who cares, it's fanfiction! lol!

    Cheeselegs is the best nickname ever. I'm stealing that for my own usage in the future lol!


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